Ansy

Tom is home. He went ot work this morning at 6 am as per a usual day. He lasted until 11:00 am. He said the mill was running good. I asked if he ws having a hard time concentrating and he said "yes". It is hard to be away from Riley right now for either of us. He is so precious and anything could go wrong in an instant. Last night before bed he was running a low grade fever around 99.5. His white cell count yesterday was 100 versus a normal number of 2000. It will reach 0 soon. Any fever above 100.4 is an automatic hospitalization, just on principle. We figure the fever was a reaction to the platelet transfusion. But we check his temperature every hour, just in case.

Most reactions will occure within an hour of the tranfusion so we wait around after the transfusions. My chest feels tight all the time now from holding my breath, holding back tears, holding back words. All those things I have to be careful not to say in front of Tom or Riley or the doctors so that they are not misconstrued or upset or misunderstood, I work them out here on these pages. I can change the words so they come out right the first time.

I am going to go hang with Tom now. Watch TV and feel the tension in the air around him. I love him so dearly. He is my rock. We both have to be so strong for both our sakes and the children. Tom pointed out there is a small risk to Trevor if he is a match. We potentially put both our children at risk, but how can we not?

They can't treat Riley until they know the right treatment in case there is an underlying reason the bone marrow failed. "First do no harm". Tomorrow, this doctor everyone is making us wait for had better be damn good.