24 hours

The count down until Thursday is such a clock watcher. The minutes slow down. We want answers, and to know anything so badly. Everyone has been so supportive. I am grateful. Riley says that this is our silver lining, all our friends are finally coming over to visit and play.

Riley has slept in our bed again. Tom told him last night that its wierd for a 14 year old to want to snuggle with his parents, but neither of us could say no. Thank goodness for a king size bed. Riley is a king size baby. I may not sleep well with three grown size people in the bed, but at least I can keep my eye on Riley without seeming smothering.

He weighs in at 115 pounds and is 5 foot seven inches. Trevor is just shy of that hight and weighs 145. Trevor is so healthy. He has even sprouted so the weight is distributed at the moment.
Riley is tired today. he has a hard time concentrating. I am sure a part of it is the lack of red cells. I am going to ask the doctor about oxygen.

I cut Riley's hair last night with the clippers. I thought I should get him done while he had platelets and was feeling good, just in case I nicked him. I was careful though and the hair looks much better. He doesn't look like he just got up and didn't groom as he usually does. He is still wearing the Hawiian shirts he likes. He says its easier for the doctors to listen to his heart and breathing when he wears them.

We have to figure out a way for the boys to keep their grades up. the doctor is typing up a diagnostic letter for the school so I can get help. The boys will work much better with someone other than Tom and myself.

On the other hand I pulled a "Tom" myself last night. Hollywood video is closing and having huge sales. I was returning some games we rented and walked out owning them. There are some great deals in that store. I will probably go back and get some more movies for our collection. Riley says he likes being spoiled. Trevor is enjoying all the side benefits of all these new toys and games, and good food coming into the house.

I can see Tom is just crushed under the weight of it all. There is nothing I can do to take the pain away. He hasn't even been watching his usual news. He has been watching my recorded junk TV House, Law and Order, Bones. He doesn't like CSI though. Its funny, I used to sit with my Dad in Tucson, when he was sick and going through his treatments, just a year ago, we would watch Law and Order together.

Its that escapism mechanism. Seeing someone else screw up their lives making stupid choices, puts perspective on your own life even if it is fake TV. Knowing its fake makes it bareable
I don't like those live talk shows where real people get up and make fools of themselves on public television for the world to see. I find those shows irritating. yet here I am spilling my guts to all my friends. Well, its free therapy, and it does help to talk my way through the pain. If I do it on the phone I find it hard to speak and it causes me to cry. I can't afford to cry all the time. This way there is some anonminity for my tears. I wish... I pray...