T set up a free 24 hour session on x box live, a teacher gave him a pass for solving a problem at school, for the weekend. T arranged a bunch of friends to be on at the same time today. He needed a mike so he could talk with his friends while playing. He told me typing takes too long even though it is available.
This morning he awoke an hour before noon, when the games were supposed to begin. He wanted to rush to the store to buy the mike. He had $7 in his wallet. He owes work to his Dad for previous funds. I had told him no honor role no money. His grades are not satisfactory, nor does he bother to study at home. He just plays x box or watches U tube clips on his computer. His PSATs were not good either. He needs to read some books. I was not loaning him any money.
He asked if we could, really fast, run to the store so he could buy the mike. I needed some poster boards for a project for Riley. I wasn't rushing but he could hitch a ride. The store is also walking distance in a pinch, less than a mile away. I took my time.
When we got to the store he found that the mikes cost a lot more than the money he had on hand. I was not accommodating. I told him again pay for performance and he hadn't performed. He wasn't making any effort. I had told him on the drive to the store I would not help pay for this toy.
Oh, was he pissed. I am the meanest mom. Now he had to contact everyone and tell them he couldn't play. Boo Hoo. When he shows me effort, I'll get him a mike myself. He has a list of missing homework I get e mailed every week. When that list is done and handed in, then I will consider helping him out. Right now I am as angry at T, as he is at me. I am the meanest Mom, my foot. I am being a parent of a lazy, spoiled, teenager. Today, I stood my ground. No work, no Play.
Thank goodness the house is so big that I can hide out and not see his pouting face or hear his stomping around. I am going to print out the list of missing assignments, so he sees my issue with his use of time. Tom supported me. T already owed him chores from a previous loan from a month ago. Tom's response to T was to ignore his rant that his mom was so mean that she wouldn't front him the money. He didn't even argue or fight about it. He just blew right by T as he complained, a stone wall. Loved the response, no fight, no argument, just total ignoring the child's whining.
Hopefully, T will motivate. He can always arrange for another play day, if he either earns some money for the necessary mike or gets his grades up. Right now he is in his room pouting due to the lack of support.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
New plateau
We have reached a new plateau. Trev arranged for me to drop him off at a girl's home. They were to play video games and the girl he likes would also be dropped off at this home. They are all mutual friends. Interestingly enough T says his friends say that he and the girl that lives at this home are more suited to each other than the girl that is visiting. Needless to say I am stressed over the whole event from the beginning. I will do this drop off but must come inside and meet the parents. Confirm that the parents are staying the whole time and that the play date is well supervised and that we are all on the same page with activities. I don't want the kids going off doing mischief or changing their plans to go to the mall without running everything by me.
The girl that T man wants to see, her mother is suspicious of her daughter dating. The mother wants to meet us before my boy can officially be going out with her daughter. So far we have missed each other in the drop off and pick ups of our respective children. If I were her, I would be avoiding the meeting as much as possible as a delaying tactic. In the lives of teens the interest might end before we ever have to meet the parent.
Meanwhile T had a great time playing video games at a home in a well supervised play date of teen age friends. The girl who hosted the play date had small siblings which I thought was wonderful. What small sibling would be able to keep herself away from her big sister's group party. She would be a built in monitor, not leaving them with any privacy. The mom hosting the teens was very nice and said she would be home the whole time. The TV was in the living room not in some one's bedroom, so that also passed as being in a public space.
It is not that I don't trust my boy, but that Tom and I try to prevent our children from making poor decisions or thinking with hormones rather than brains, before reacting. There are many stumbling blocks to avoid in life. My sister in New York gave the boys the talk last year when she was out visiting. Working in the big city has exposed her to seeing all the mistakes a teen can make.
She told my boys over dinner one night, that the only control they have when they start having sex is to put that condom on. If they have sex and a girl gets pregnant, it is her body, her choices, and her baby. They will be paying for the next 20 years for the mistake of not putting on a condom. They may not even be allowed to see the child they support, just hand over the money. She really laid it out there. My boys and myself were bug eyed.
Now Tman is constantly texting one girl or another. I love that he has to come to me for the ride to a friend's house. For at least another year I will be able to monitor his relationships while he doesn't have his own transportation, perhaps longer if he doesn't bring in satisfying grades. The paranoia of thinking about what my baby might be doing with a girl puts Tom and me on the bubble to be meeting and greeting all these new faces. Keeping the conversation links open and positive while we try to direct the boy down a safe path.
My big boy meanwhile, is bringing in the straight A's that make me so happy. He has no interest to escape the family, get his license and start getting out of the house. If we could just meet somewhere in the middle, I would have two perfect boys. Right now though I am just trying to navigate these new waters.
The girl that T man wants to see, her mother is suspicious of her daughter dating. The mother wants to meet us before my boy can officially be going out with her daughter. So far we have missed each other in the drop off and pick ups of our respective children. If I were her, I would be avoiding the meeting as much as possible as a delaying tactic. In the lives of teens the interest might end before we ever have to meet the parent.
Meanwhile T had a great time playing video games at a home in a well supervised play date of teen age friends. The girl who hosted the play date had small siblings which I thought was wonderful. What small sibling would be able to keep herself away from her big sister's group party. She would be a built in monitor, not leaving them with any privacy. The mom hosting the teens was very nice and said she would be home the whole time. The TV was in the living room not in some one's bedroom, so that also passed as being in a public space.
It is not that I don't trust my boy, but that Tom and I try to prevent our children from making poor decisions or thinking with hormones rather than brains, before reacting. There are many stumbling blocks to avoid in life. My sister in New York gave the boys the talk last year when she was out visiting. Working in the big city has exposed her to seeing all the mistakes a teen can make.
She told my boys over dinner one night, that the only control they have when they start having sex is to put that condom on. If they have sex and a girl gets pregnant, it is her body, her choices, and her baby. They will be paying for the next 20 years for the mistake of not putting on a condom. They may not even be allowed to see the child they support, just hand over the money. She really laid it out there. My boys and myself were bug eyed.
Now Tman is constantly texting one girl or another. I love that he has to come to me for the ride to a friend's house. For at least another year I will be able to monitor his relationships while he doesn't have his own transportation, perhaps longer if he doesn't bring in satisfying grades. The paranoia of thinking about what my baby might be doing with a girl puts Tom and me on the bubble to be meeting and greeting all these new faces. Keeping the conversation links open and positive while we try to direct the boy down a safe path.
My big boy meanwhile, is bringing in the straight A's that make me so happy. He has no interest to escape the family, get his license and start getting out of the house. If we could just meet somewhere in the middle, I would have two perfect boys. Right now though I am just trying to navigate these new waters.
The post Christmas update
Several people have been inquiring as to what is going on, as I haven't posted in a month. I kept my head low in December. We had another blow to the family. My Uncle called from the mid west, in early December. He was in the hospital with terminal cancer. We had seen him at my Dad's internment in October. He had looked pretty good, though frail at that time. He asked my Mom to come out to be with him. Uncle John passed away on my brother's birthday, December 14, my mom's only sibling, just two months after my Dad. Mom was able to make it back home by the 17th, but it had been a rough couple of weeks. We kept a low key Christmas as a result. Well, sort of, Tom and I decided to host an open house the weekend before Christmas, to get us back in the mood.
This meant mad cleaning and preparing and decorating. I was almost tempted to open a few of Tom's presents early as I had bought him all sorts of Beaver Christmas ornaments as his gifts for the man cave tree. We had two trees by that time as Tom couldn't stand not having a tree in his man cave. The big tree in the living room is 11 feet tall if you include the table it sits on.
I got out my glue gun and glued a bunch of balls to Tom's tree. It was a scout tree. Trevor and I had sat for four hours in the pouring rain the weekend before, selling four trees and one was to us. The trees were a great price and a lot fresher than the now three week old dry tree in the living room.
The old balls I used had no hooks on them, worked just fine with a little glue gun and they didn't fall off. I restrained myself on using the new presents as Tom was already opening the books I had bought him so he could start reading them early. His work project has wound down to an end. He has free time on his hands until his next project starts up in the spring.
I had spent hours perusing Powell's on line web site to pick out just the right books to order for Tom's discerning tastes. I like to challenge him with a variety he might not otherwise choose himself. He already liked the first book very much, "Arguably", by Christopher Hitchens, a collection of his essays. Even though the author was a clear Democrat, he wrote well on a variety of subjects and book reviews. Tom likes a good argument
I had to go back to the Powell's site several times to make sure Tom would still have presents under the tree. Our open house was a blast. I made home made eggnog from our family recipe; whipped whip cream, half and half, whole milk, sugar and here is the real secret, whipped whites folded in, then add the booze. Gained five pounds sampling all the good food. We served a spiral ham with rolls and opened the Barbara Store's rum cake my sister sent me from New York. This is another "To die for" dessert. I have to haul the boys off it since it has booze. At least I haul them off during the party. I let Riley have a slice later.
During the party I had both spiked and unspiked eggnog for the children. One of my friends went round sniffing the boys' cups to make sure they were serving from the right punch bowl. We had some delightful surprise out of town guests show up. Tom and I had so much fun. It wasn't a huge party as many people had other conflicts with family in town for the holiday with grand children or other parties to attend the same evening. We sent out our invites at very short notice.
I was waiting to hear if Tom's next project would be scheduled. Once he felt good about his next project, I was much more willing to have a party and celebrate. The boys were good hosts to the friends they invited. Yes, Trevor invited guests, much to Tom's perturbation.
Trevor has a girlfriend. The girlfriend comes with her friend, more like a chaperon, so the girlfriend's mother knows her daughter has a friend with her and they wont get up to mischief. I already know I love the mom, since she parents the way I would, had I a daughter, no solo dating. We had to meet the mom before Trevor was allowed to see her. Trevor's best friend also knows the girls so everyone was in good company having fun.
Then there was Riley. All the teens were upstairs playing x box on the TV in my room. Piled and crammed onto every available space in the room. Middle of the party someone comes up to me to tell me the teens are having a crisis. Trevor's girlfriends are down in the living room and one is crying. It seems there were not enough remotes for the x box for everyone to play at the same time, so the game was played that if your character was killed you passed the remote. Riley was killing off the girlfriends' characters so he wouldn't have to share the remote he was using. Everyone else was sharing, but Riley was not playing "fair". Of course neither of my boys even knew there was an issue. They were oblivious to the tears downstairs. I had to go roust them from the game to apologize and explain again to the boys what it meant to share and the responsibility to guests and that Trevor should not neglect his girlfriend for a game.
Now that I think on it, it reminds me of a date Tom and I had way back when I was skinny and young and gorgeous. I was wearing a sequined dress that was tight and short in all the right places. We went to a dance club in Seattle after a wedding with friends ( x boyfriend's wedding, so I was looking exceedingly Hot that night). Tom and another buddy, same guy we just had our anniversary with, went into a corner to play video games in the arcade area, while strange men came up and asked us, the abandoned women, to dance. We had to point to the geeks in the corner playing video games and say"We're with them" .
The crisis ended with apologies from my insensitive boys and the teens all went back upstairs to rejoin the battle on the x box. Riley had been clueless that his aggressive battle behavior was at fault, as had Trevor, that anything was wrong with his girlfriend or that my boys had anything to do with the tears. Have they got a lot to learn about women! I can't decide if I am unhappy they are so clueless, or happy that they are still so young.
Christmas came. I did all my ordering on line. I stayed away from the malls. The deals on line with free delivery made shopping so easy this year. I gave my sister and her family and my mom. food from Red Mill. I figured food is what they needed. It was all stuff they could use. Mom is trying to get rid of so much, I did not want to add to the material items she needs to divest.
Tom hated all our Christmas lists. Everything the boys wanted was expensive and not necessary. I give them clothes they need, ordered the right size pants on line. Tom plays Santa and gives them what they want. I asked for a refrigerator. The boys received more M for mature violent games for the x box. Tom thinks it is funny that there is no sex in the games, just blood and gore. Maybe that is why my boys dont' get it when a girl leaves the room in tears. X box needs to add a game about relationships and love, probably wont sell. Mine craft, which is the most boring game I have ever seen, with u tube videos that are even more tedious, absorbs the boys for hours. At least it is a game rated "E" for everyone. I miss Mario and the princess.
Tom announced my beautiful new fridge with ice maker would be delivered after Christmas. I loved it. We agreed on black rather than steel. Everything in the kitchen is black accents or steel. Either color works. I am so excited. No more ice trays sitting empty on the counter with no ice in the freezer. I had put on my list that just an ice maker would be fine, but Tom went for the big item, just as I had hoped.
I figure if we can tick away at some of the more expensive items for the kitchen redo, it wont be so horrifically expensive, when we finally do break ground. We are reaching the point of new cabinets, the most costly part of a remodel. With the new project, Tom might be able to come home to a new kitchen.
New Years came. We invited some friends over, Trevor's best friend and his family. I love this family. They stay the night so they don't drink and drive or have to deal with drunk drivers or bad weather. I love that the party continues without the let down of the company leaving. I hate the deflating feeling when everyone goes home.
The weather was questionable New Years Eve. The skies sprinkled a beautiful dusting of snow over everything. It also made driving tricky. So we hunkered down with lots of booze and movies and food with good company. At midnight Tom found a box of small fireworks: sparklers, fountains, smoke bombs, and poppers, left over from the Summer. Pretty slim pickings by Tom's standards since all the mortars were gone, but personally I was happy with just the fountains. We had been waiting all evening for midnight and probably needed to keep the explosions to a safe level. Tom, as well as some other neighbors, let off a noisy welcoming for 2013.
I am sure my neighbor was thrilled by all the noise. I had dropped off a box of chocolates the weekend before with a Christmas note of good wishes, but that only buys so much good will. I never even heard from the guy that he got the chocolates, but the box was gone from his porch when we drove buy later that day.
The die hard popped another movie into the DVD player, but I headed off to bed shortly. Our guests were set up in comfortable beds around the house.
In the morning we made eggs and waffles and coffee and just hung out for hours enjoying the bliss of a fresh start in the new year. Eventually we had to clean up and shower, but it was a lovely way to ease into 2013. This New Years will make one of my top favorites. My goal had been to celebrate New Years on New York time, but we missed that window and made it all the way to New Years our time. The kids had fun and so did we.
I hope this note finds all of you well and healthy. May 2013 bring you happiness and peace.
This meant mad cleaning and preparing and decorating. I was almost tempted to open a few of Tom's presents early as I had bought him all sorts of Beaver Christmas ornaments as his gifts for the man cave tree. We had two trees by that time as Tom couldn't stand not having a tree in his man cave. The big tree in the living room is 11 feet tall if you include the table it sits on.
I got out my glue gun and glued a bunch of balls to Tom's tree. It was a scout tree. Trevor and I had sat for four hours in the pouring rain the weekend before, selling four trees and one was to us. The trees were a great price and a lot fresher than the now three week old dry tree in the living room.
The old balls I used had no hooks on them, worked just fine with a little glue gun and they didn't fall off. I restrained myself on using the new presents as Tom was already opening the books I had bought him so he could start reading them early. His work project has wound down to an end. He has free time on his hands until his next project starts up in the spring.
I had spent hours perusing Powell's on line web site to pick out just the right books to order for Tom's discerning tastes. I like to challenge him with a variety he might not otherwise choose himself. He already liked the first book very much, "Arguably", by Christopher Hitchens, a collection of his essays. Even though the author was a clear Democrat, he wrote well on a variety of subjects and book reviews. Tom likes a good argument
I had to go back to the Powell's site several times to make sure Tom would still have presents under the tree. Our open house was a blast. I made home made eggnog from our family recipe; whipped whip cream, half and half, whole milk, sugar and here is the real secret, whipped whites folded in, then add the booze. Gained five pounds sampling all the good food. We served a spiral ham with rolls and opened the Barbara Store's rum cake my sister sent me from New York. This is another "To die for" dessert. I have to haul the boys off it since it has booze. At least I haul them off during the party. I let Riley have a slice later.
During the party I had both spiked and unspiked eggnog for the children. One of my friends went round sniffing the boys' cups to make sure they were serving from the right punch bowl. We had some delightful surprise out of town guests show up. Tom and I had so much fun. It wasn't a huge party as many people had other conflicts with family in town for the holiday with grand children or other parties to attend the same evening. We sent out our invites at very short notice.
I was waiting to hear if Tom's next project would be scheduled. Once he felt good about his next project, I was much more willing to have a party and celebrate. The boys were good hosts to the friends they invited. Yes, Trevor invited guests, much to Tom's perturbation.
Trevor has a girlfriend. The girlfriend comes with her friend, more like a chaperon, so the girlfriend's mother knows her daughter has a friend with her and they wont get up to mischief. I already know I love the mom, since she parents the way I would, had I a daughter, no solo dating. We had to meet the mom before Trevor was allowed to see her. Trevor's best friend also knows the girls so everyone was in good company having fun.
Then there was Riley. All the teens were upstairs playing x box on the TV in my room. Piled and crammed onto every available space in the room. Middle of the party someone comes up to me to tell me the teens are having a crisis. Trevor's girlfriends are down in the living room and one is crying. It seems there were not enough remotes for the x box for everyone to play at the same time, so the game was played that if your character was killed you passed the remote. Riley was killing off the girlfriends' characters so he wouldn't have to share the remote he was using. Everyone else was sharing, but Riley was not playing "fair". Of course neither of my boys even knew there was an issue. They were oblivious to the tears downstairs. I had to go roust them from the game to apologize and explain again to the boys what it meant to share and the responsibility to guests and that Trevor should not neglect his girlfriend for a game.
Now that I think on it, it reminds me of a date Tom and I had way back when I was skinny and young and gorgeous. I was wearing a sequined dress that was tight and short in all the right places. We went to a dance club in Seattle after a wedding with friends ( x boyfriend's wedding, so I was looking exceedingly Hot that night). Tom and another buddy, same guy we just had our anniversary with, went into a corner to play video games in the arcade area, while strange men came up and asked us, the abandoned women, to dance. We had to point to the geeks in the corner playing video games and say"We're with them" .
The crisis ended with apologies from my insensitive boys and the teens all went back upstairs to rejoin the battle on the x box. Riley had been clueless that his aggressive battle behavior was at fault, as had Trevor, that anything was wrong with his girlfriend or that my boys had anything to do with the tears. Have they got a lot to learn about women! I can't decide if I am unhappy they are so clueless, or happy that they are still so young.
Christmas came. I did all my ordering on line. I stayed away from the malls. The deals on line with free delivery made shopping so easy this year. I gave my sister and her family and my mom. food from Red Mill. I figured food is what they needed. It was all stuff they could use. Mom is trying to get rid of so much, I did not want to add to the material items she needs to divest.
Tom hated all our Christmas lists. Everything the boys wanted was expensive and not necessary. I give them clothes they need, ordered the right size pants on line. Tom plays Santa and gives them what they want. I asked for a refrigerator. The boys received more M for mature violent games for the x box. Tom thinks it is funny that there is no sex in the games, just blood and gore. Maybe that is why my boys dont' get it when a girl leaves the room in tears. X box needs to add a game about relationships and love, probably wont sell. Mine craft, which is the most boring game I have ever seen, with u tube videos that are even more tedious, absorbs the boys for hours. At least it is a game rated "E" for everyone. I miss Mario and the princess.
Tom announced my beautiful new fridge with ice maker would be delivered after Christmas. I loved it. We agreed on black rather than steel. Everything in the kitchen is black accents or steel. Either color works. I am so excited. No more ice trays sitting empty on the counter with no ice in the freezer. I had put on my list that just an ice maker would be fine, but Tom went for the big item, just as I had hoped.
I figure if we can tick away at some of the more expensive items for the kitchen redo, it wont be so horrifically expensive, when we finally do break ground. We are reaching the point of new cabinets, the most costly part of a remodel. With the new project, Tom might be able to come home to a new kitchen.
New Years came. We invited some friends over, Trevor's best friend and his family. I love this family. They stay the night so they don't drink and drive or have to deal with drunk drivers or bad weather. I love that the party continues without the let down of the company leaving. I hate the deflating feeling when everyone goes home.
The weather was questionable New Years Eve. The skies sprinkled a beautiful dusting of snow over everything. It also made driving tricky. So we hunkered down with lots of booze and movies and food with good company. At midnight Tom found a box of small fireworks: sparklers, fountains, smoke bombs, and poppers, left over from the Summer. Pretty slim pickings by Tom's standards since all the mortars were gone, but personally I was happy with just the fountains. We had been waiting all evening for midnight and probably needed to keep the explosions to a safe level. Tom, as well as some other neighbors, let off a noisy welcoming for 2013.
I am sure my neighbor was thrilled by all the noise. I had dropped off a box of chocolates the weekend before with a Christmas note of good wishes, but that only buys so much good will. I never even heard from the guy that he got the chocolates, but the box was gone from his porch when we drove buy later that day.
The die hard popped another movie into the DVD player, but I headed off to bed shortly. Our guests were set up in comfortable beds around the house.
In the morning we made eggs and waffles and coffee and just hung out for hours enjoying the bliss of a fresh start in the new year. Eventually we had to clean up and shower, but it was a lovely way to ease into 2013. This New Years will make one of my top favorites. My goal had been to celebrate New Years on New York time, but we missed that window and made it all the way to New Years our time. The kids had fun and so did we.
I hope this note finds all of you well and healthy. May 2013 bring you happiness and peace.
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