Wednesday is garbage day. Trevor forgot to take the cans to the street. This time he called me from the bus stop. There was not enough time to get home and put the cans out before the bus came, but at least he called and let me know in time for me to get the cans out.
I loved that he realized his mistake and tried to make ammends. I gave him half brownie points after school for calling and warning me. Worst thing that could have happened would have been for us to miss the garbage man with full cans.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
The white Board
Tom is making lists of things to accomplish. He had me pick up a white board and dry erase pens. Fred Meyers didn't have a big one, neither did Walgreens. My next stop was Ace before I would have to drive out of town to Walmart to find a white board. As I have said before, Ace is a great, helpful store. Right by the front door they had a white board, and just the right size, not too big and not too small. They had one last pack of dry erase pens to go with the board.
Now, in my living room, rather than a painting on the wall, I have a 2 foot by 4 foot board that Tom is putting lists of chores up each day. I haven't looked today. I am still overwhelmed by all that needs doing.
The Real Estate agents came yesterday. They will run the comps and list the house on Thursday. We are not letting a day go by without accomplishing something on a grand scale. I have less than two weeks to get the house ready to show to agents for their Tuesday walk about.
With our neighbor's house already being shorted, our price will be comparable to theirs, somewhere in the $230,000 to $250,000 range. $100,000 below our purchase price in 2006. If you go to the assessor's page of the county, there are more unqualified comps of closed sales then there are qualified. The quit claims and short sales dominate the market. Mostly they are quit claims. Probably because the banks are refusing the short sale offers.
There is a huge back log of vacant houses. The banks are clueless as to the giant mess they continue to create by not allowing the the short sale houses to move off the market by being sold. This is the time to do a walk away if you have any inclination. You will be one of a great mass of people, the majority of the country. When your credit score is checked a few years down the road, the response will be " Oh, you were part of the great housing walk away of 2010 and 2011, understandable."
We have a straight up mortgage loan, 80/20. The house is the collateral. I have already paid the taxes for the year and the insurance. The bank would take the keys back willingly if the house was worth more than the loan. If it were a business loan and the business were going under, the bank would take the assets. That is how it works. Take the emotion out and make the hard decision. Hopefully, if enough homes backlog the system, the banks will stop trying to get blood out of the stone and let go.
Meanwhile, we will wait. Our mortgage company told me they would not talk to us until we were three months late on our mortgage payments. They probably wont even consider a short sale for six months. We have to find a buyer first anyway. If I were a buyer I'd wait.
Tom and I have almost perfect credit, way up around 780. Now we must purposefully stop paying the mortgage, that is the system. We can live in our home rent free for months, the bank told us it was the only way. They would not work with us until we stopped paying. OK by me.
I will continue to look in Longview for someplace we like, but free rent is good at the moment. The mortgage will be the only late payment we have. I think history will show this era as the great housing walk away, unless the banks start loosening up. They can't always be the winners. But I am staying away from bank stocks for a while.
When we initially bought the house our mortgage changed hands three times in less than a month. We will see who still owns it in six months. There is a program called HAFA. Its an Obama program. Once we miss our three months we can apply. The bank gets paid the difference between the short sale and what we owe by the good old government. We can even receive $3000 towards moving expenses. The bank never has to feel the pain. Then they will probably sit on the house waiting for the markets to turn round while they collect more vacant homes in their portfolio.
Don't think buyers are looking at those vacant homes in the neighborhood wondering what will happen to them. Could someone just move in and start paying utilities. Would the bank even know there were squatters. I see a nightmare happening.
I checked every address in our old neighborhood in Longview. Solid, not a bank owned home except for the property we want. Unlike our neighborhood where we are living now. Overbuilt and crashing. We are rats abandoning the ship. The last scene in Fiddler on the Roof comes to mind with the Jews walking way with all they can carry, headed for America. "Tradition, tradition".
So, we make our lists and pack our bags, and read the white board for our chores.
Now, in my living room, rather than a painting on the wall, I have a 2 foot by 4 foot board that Tom is putting lists of chores up each day. I haven't looked today. I am still overwhelmed by all that needs doing.
The Real Estate agents came yesterday. They will run the comps and list the house on Thursday. We are not letting a day go by without accomplishing something on a grand scale. I have less than two weeks to get the house ready to show to agents for their Tuesday walk about.
With our neighbor's house already being shorted, our price will be comparable to theirs, somewhere in the $230,000 to $250,000 range. $100,000 below our purchase price in 2006. If you go to the assessor's page of the county, there are more unqualified comps of closed sales then there are qualified. The quit claims and short sales dominate the market. Mostly they are quit claims. Probably because the banks are refusing the short sale offers.
There is a huge back log of vacant houses. The banks are clueless as to the giant mess they continue to create by not allowing the the short sale houses to move off the market by being sold. This is the time to do a walk away if you have any inclination. You will be one of a great mass of people, the majority of the country. When your credit score is checked a few years down the road, the response will be " Oh, you were part of the great housing walk away of 2010 and 2011, understandable."
We have a straight up mortgage loan, 80/20. The house is the collateral. I have already paid the taxes for the year and the insurance. The bank would take the keys back willingly if the house was worth more than the loan. If it were a business loan and the business were going under, the bank would take the assets. That is how it works. Take the emotion out and make the hard decision. Hopefully, if enough homes backlog the system, the banks will stop trying to get blood out of the stone and let go.
Meanwhile, we will wait. Our mortgage company told me they would not talk to us until we were three months late on our mortgage payments. They probably wont even consider a short sale for six months. We have to find a buyer first anyway. If I were a buyer I'd wait.
Tom and I have almost perfect credit, way up around 780. Now we must purposefully stop paying the mortgage, that is the system. We can live in our home rent free for months, the bank told us it was the only way. They would not work with us until we stopped paying. OK by me.
I will continue to look in Longview for someplace we like, but free rent is good at the moment. The mortgage will be the only late payment we have. I think history will show this era as the great housing walk away, unless the banks start loosening up. They can't always be the winners. But I am staying away from bank stocks for a while.
When we initially bought the house our mortgage changed hands three times in less than a month. We will see who still owns it in six months. There is a program called HAFA. Its an Obama program. Once we miss our three months we can apply. The bank gets paid the difference between the short sale and what we owe by the good old government. We can even receive $3000 towards moving expenses. The bank never has to feel the pain. Then they will probably sit on the house waiting for the markets to turn round while they collect more vacant homes in their portfolio.
Don't think buyers are looking at those vacant homes in the neighborhood wondering what will happen to them. Could someone just move in and start paying utilities. Would the bank even know there were squatters. I see a nightmare happening.
I checked every address in our old neighborhood in Longview. Solid, not a bank owned home except for the property we want. Unlike our neighborhood where we are living now. Overbuilt and crashing. We are rats abandoning the ship. The last scene in Fiddler on the Roof comes to mind with the Jews walking way with all they can carry, headed for America. "Tradition, tradition".
So, we make our lists and pack our bags, and read the white board for our chores.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Unemployed
I guess I can tell you our latest news now. Tom is leaving his company. When he was hired the plan had been to go shopping for a mill to add to the company. Tom was to help start up and run what ever new mill they acquired. While waiting for another mill his job was to increase production at the existing mill. He achieved and exceeded that goal.
Meanwhile, Several mills were researched and bid on, but none were won or purchased. With the changed economy, buying another mill is no longer in the picture for a while. With no interesting projects through his current employer, Tom would like to be back in Longview. The company agreed to a reduction in force.
We found Oregon exceedingly expensive. We could not afford to join a golf club. As a result Tom has not even played ten rounds this year to keep his handicap. We had to miss Gerhardt's big tournament. We have been going to Gearhardt for 17 years. Tom has no social life in Oregon . It was just work and home. He has many more connections and friends in Longview. If he is going to be hunting for projects and work, Longview will put him back in circulation again.
So, we fell in love with a decrepit old house in our old neighborhood. It is a foreclosure. I bid on it, but the bank turned me down. The house was built in 1940, and is literally sagging on its foundations. Bulging walls upstairs and not a single right angle downstairs. The taxes are owed for three years. We had an inspector go through the house. He asked if the builders had been on crack cocaine, the constructions was so shoddy, a real home made job.
Tom had a civil engineer friend look at the property. He found that the house resided in a slip zone of unstable soil. There were also some sewer lines running through the property limiting where a new house could be situated. The location was wonderful being back in our old neighborhood, but we didn't love the property enough to pay what the bank wanted. The house goes up for auction in 2012, for the delinquent county taxes. Any smart person would walk away. We will take another stab at it at auction. If the bank holds out for the price they want, it will still be available. Its a tear down and start over. We will not pay for the house, we want the land and even that is questionable.
So, I am now shopping foreclosures in Longview. I go up on Sunday to look. I am not thrilled with the list I plan to see, but I will look. I am told in March more houses will hit the market. It took us months of looking for all of our homes. The only one we made a mistake on was this one, in Oregon. We knew there was a bubble but we bought anyway. Portland is now rated one of the top 10 most miserable cities in the country. They measure unemployment, expenses, housing prices among other things to come to that conclusion. We can not disagree.
The schools in Washington go a month longer. If we can get the boys up to longview by spring break, they will be in school later into the summer than if we stayed in Oregon. We have always known the schools were better in Washington. It was one of the reasons I am not opposed to the move. Our area schools really do a good job with the resources they have, but time is against them.
Both boys love the thought of moving back. They remember the club and the pool. They are still in contact with their friends. I don't know if they will love living in an older home that needs a ton of work, or half the size as what we are used to, because that is what I am looking for. I am looking for a deal, a foreclosure.
I have found that the banks wont deal until a house has sat a while on the market. The result is a lot of empty vacant homes slowly decaying. I am going to continue to offer until one takes my money. We have some time, though Tom would love us up there sooner rather than later. I am not going to over extend again.
I am bummed about my job. It is too far to commute once we move, especially with the cost of gas. I told them they should start looking in April for a replacement for me. Because of our March sale and another employee being gone, I didn't want to leave them hanging. Besides we haven't found a house yet. The manager paid me the compliment of telling me I was a strong sales person and that I would be missed. I still had so much to learn, I will miss that opportunity.
I am hopeful I can find something in Longview to satisfy me. I really liked helping people with "unique feet" find appropriate shoes. The amputees, the surgeries, the pains, and neuromas, the plantar faciaitis, the extremely large, everyone has to wear shoes.
That Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times", is so appropriate right now. Maybe I should not bother about finding a new job. It seems like every time I do go back to work, within six months to a year we end up moving.
Tom looks better. A friend of mine told me he looked old. As a result he went and had a professional cut and color. He has been getting up with the boys and helping roust them out of bed. He has been on top of the discipline. He spoke to Trevor yesterday, having heard from me that Trevor had another tantrum about my not letting him have x box on a snow day, and making Trevor look up his missing home work on line, taking advantage of the extra day. Instead Trevor slammed doors and stomped around angrily for me, making excuses. Tom had words with the boy.
I am contemplating having Trevor repeat eighth grade, taking advantage of the move. He has an August birth date. It might help him to get a do over before high school. Tom told both boys they have until 18 then they move out into the world. Finish high school and then they are gone. They had better be going to college or there will be no assistance from us.
Tom wants our next home to be our final resting place. Longview is it. It is a lot of pressure. It can't be rushed. Our dream house may not be on the market yet. Do I go small since we only have 5 more years of children. Or big so the grand kids have a place to visit.
Riley will get Cobra for the next 18 months which has good BMT coverage. Also our USAA has decent coverage if we want to just purchase private insurance. We found out that insurance is not portable across state lines. Each state has its own insurance rules, so you have to buy where you live. Until we have a house in Longview, we will need to probably stick with Cobra. The good thing about Obama Care is that Children can't be excluded or refused care. We can also pay our $1200 a month deductible out of the 401K tax free. So there wont be a cash flow issue.
I just cant decide which room to tackle first. Every room is full of treasures and things. I don't know if I want to do a garage sale or just run everything over to the thrift store. Getting the boys to help has been hit and miss. Riley made a bag of his favorite books and books he wants to read. But then I couldn't get Trevor in to do the same thing. I wanted to donate books if they didn't want to read them. But first they have to decide which ones they want to read by looking at them.
I did make up one garbage bag of papers from the office. It was a small achievement, but a start.
Meanwhile, Several mills were researched and bid on, but none were won or purchased. With the changed economy, buying another mill is no longer in the picture for a while. With no interesting projects through his current employer, Tom would like to be back in Longview. The company agreed to a reduction in force.
We found Oregon exceedingly expensive. We could not afford to join a golf club. As a result Tom has not even played ten rounds this year to keep his handicap. We had to miss Gerhardt's big tournament. We have been going to Gearhardt for 17 years. Tom has no social life in Oregon . It was just work and home. He has many more connections and friends in Longview. If he is going to be hunting for projects and work, Longview will put him back in circulation again.
So, we fell in love with a decrepit old house in our old neighborhood. It is a foreclosure. I bid on it, but the bank turned me down. The house was built in 1940, and is literally sagging on its foundations. Bulging walls upstairs and not a single right angle downstairs. The taxes are owed for three years. We had an inspector go through the house. He asked if the builders had been on crack cocaine, the constructions was so shoddy, a real home made job.
Tom had a civil engineer friend look at the property. He found that the house resided in a slip zone of unstable soil. There were also some sewer lines running through the property limiting where a new house could be situated. The location was wonderful being back in our old neighborhood, but we didn't love the property enough to pay what the bank wanted. The house goes up for auction in 2012, for the delinquent county taxes. Any smart person would walk away. We will take another stab at it at auction. If the bank holds out for the price they want, it will still be available. Its a tear down and start over. We will not pay for the house, we want the land and even that is questionable.
So, I am now shopping foreclosures in Longview. I go up on Sunday to look. I am not thrilled with the list I plan to see, but I will look. I am told in March more houses will hit the market. It took us months of looking for all of our homes. The only one we made a mistake on was this one, in Oregon. We knew there was a bubble but we bought anyway. Portland is now rated one of the top 10 most miserable cities in the country. They measure unemployment, expenses, housing prices among other things to come to that conclusion. We can not disagree.
The schools in Washington go a month longer. If we can get the boys up to longview by spring break, they will be in school later into the summer than if we stayed in Oregon. We have always known the schools were better in Washington. It was one of the reasons I am not opposed to the move. Our area schools really do a good job with the resources they have, but time is against them.
Both boys love the thought of moving back. They remember the club and the pool. They are still in contact with their friends. I don't know if they will love living in an older home that needs a ton of work, or half the size as what we are used to, because that is what I am looking for. I am looking for a deal, a foreclosure.
I have found that the banks wont deal until a house has sat a while on the market. The result is a lot of empty vacant homes slowly decaying. I am going to continue to offer until one takes my money. We have some time, though Tom would love us up there sooner rather than later. I am not going to over extend again.
I am bummed about my job. It is too far to commute once we move, especially with the cost of gas. I told them they should start looking in April for a replacement for me. Because of our March sale and another employee being gone, I didn't want to leave them hanging. Besides we haven't found a house yet. The manager paid me the compliment of telling me I was a strong sales person and that I would be missed. I still had so much to learn, I will miss that opportunity.
I am hopeful I can find something in Longview to satisfy me. I really liked helping people with "unique feet" find appropriate shoes. The amputees, the surgeries, the pains, and neuromas, the plantar faciaitis, the extremely large, everyone has to wear shoes.
That Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times", is so appropriate right now. Maybe I should not bother about finding a new job. It seems like every time I do go back to work, within six months to a year we end up moving.
Tom looks better. A friend of mine told me he looked old. As a result he went and had a professional cut and color. He has been getting up with the boys and helping roust them out of bed. He has been on top of the discipline. He spoke to Trevor yesterday, having heard from me that Trevor had another tantrum about my not letting him have x box on a snow day, and making Trevor look up his missing home work on line, taking advantage of the extra day. Instead Trevor slammed doors and stomped around angrily for me, making excuses. Tom had words with the boy.
I am contemplating having Trevor repeat eighth grade, taking advantage of the move. He has an August birth date. It might help him to get a do over before high school. Tom told both boys they have until 18 then they move out into the world. Finish high school and then they are gone. They had better be going to college or there will be no assistance from us.
Tom wants our next home to be our final resting place. Longview is it. It is a lot of pressure. It can't be rushed. Our dream house may not be on the market yet. Do I go small since we only have 5 more years of children. Or big so the grand kids have a place to visit.
Riley will get Cobra for the next 18 months which has good BMT coverage. Also our USAA has decent coverage if we want to just purchase private insurance. We found out that insurance is not portable across state lines. Each state has its own insurance rules, so you have to buy where you live. Until we have a house in Longview, we will need to probably stick with Cobra. The good thing about Obama Care is that Children can't be excluded or refused care. We can also pay our $1200 a month deductible out of the 401K tax free. So there wont be a cash flow issue.
I just cant decide which room to tackle first. Every room is full of treasures and things. I don't know if I want to do a garage sale or just run everything over to the thrift store. Getting the boys to help has been hit and miss. Riley made a bag of his favorite books and books he wants to read. But then I couldn't get Trevor in to do the same thing. I wanted to donate books if they didn't want to read them. But first they have to decide which ones they want to read by looking at them.
I did make up one garbage bag of papers from the office. It was a small achievement, but a start.
Monday, February 21, 2011
bowling
We had gone bowling, the boys and I, last weekend. I had made a rule, no hard gloating or rude comments about any one's game. It was a good rule as Riley played really badly. He had more gutter balls than he took pins down. It had been an arm twist to get Riley to go. Last time we went, he had found gum in the holes of a ball. It had really grossed him out. I told him his Dad could show him how to improve his game next time.
Tom is a really good bowler. He had been in a league in his younger years. When He lived in Eugene, we had a couple date nights at the bowling alley. To be honest bowling is a great inexpensive date, and really fun. Its a great way to hang with strangers and get to know them without just standing there with nothing to say or do. I shot my best game of 145 on one of those dates. Tom on a bad day shoots that score.
So Trevor asked could we go bowling again. Riley didn't want to go unless his father went. Tom was supposed to do Taxes. He said he needed to do the taxes and Trevor and I should just go. I weighed my options, he left the decision in my hands. He said if he went I was not to nag him about the taxes. Between family and taxes, I chose for him to go bowling with the family. In these times of pressure and stress, having a fun family outing is huge.
I was right about Tom's ability to show Riley how to bowl better. After the first couple gutter balls, he pulled Riley aside and whispered secrets in his ear. Riley started throwing spares and strikes with only a few gutter balls thrown in for excitement. The scores were close, the boys were neck and neck. None of us but Tom Broke 100.
He made a bet with us that he could beat our total scores added together. The next game we blew him away. Riley threw two strikes in a row and picked up two spares. Trevor stayed even with his brother but only through spares and high pin counts, matching up with Riley's occasional gutter ball.
Tom was really pleased. He enjoyed immensely watching Riley turn his few tips into a real game. Trevor also received a few pointers. My game also improved. Though, none of us, but Tom, broke 100. The next two games the boys were in the 90's.
Tom's game is rusty, which is the only reason we pulled off our wins. Another couple of family bowling outings and unless the boys keep getting better, Tom will blow us out of the water. The bets will change. Next time it will not be total scores added together, once they took Tom's tips and started using them, he would have to shoot an almost perfect game to beat them. He glowed with parental pleasure. I glowed with pleasure also. Not often can we pull off a whole afternoon of not a single harsh word and everyone is happy, while not plugged into the TV or game cube or computer.
I am now on the hunt for bowling balls. Tom likes a 10 pound ball, but often has a hard time finding ones with big enough holes. It was one of the reasons he didn't want to go with us, not being able to find a lighter ball that fit his fingers. I told him there was plenty of selection. The place had been crowded at first so he played with a 12 pound ball, But a young group left after our first game and I found in their selection a 10 pound that worked for Tom. Riley and Trevor would also like their own bowling balls. So if anyone has a 10 pound bowling
ball with big finger holes. Or not, I can always find some one to re drill the holes, please let me know.
I personally like an 8 or even a 6 pound, if anyone has that.
Our taxes are not done, but there is plenty of time. We can do them next weekend. Family is more important.
Tom is a really good bowler. He had been in a league in his younger years. When He lived in Eugene, we had a couple date nights at the bowling alley. To be honest bowling is a great inexpensive date, and really fun. Its a great way to hang with strangers and get to know them without just standing there with nothing to say or do. I shot my best game of 145 on one of those dates. Tom on a bad day shoots that score.
So Trevor asked could we go bowling again. Riley didn't want to go unless his father went. Tom was supposed to do Taxes. He said he needed to do the taxes and Trevor and I should just go. I weighed my options, he left the decision in my hands. He said if he went I was not to nag him about the taxes. Between family and taxes, I chose for him to go bowling with the family. In these times of pressure and stress, having a fun family outing is huge.
I was right about Tom's ability to show Riley how to bowl better. After the first couple gutter balls, he pulled Riley aside and whispered secrets in his ear. Riley started throwing spares and strikes with only a few gutter balls thrown in for excitement. The scores were close, the boys were neck and neck. None of us but Tom Broke 100.
He made a bet with us that he could beat our total scores added together. The next game we blew him away. Riley threw two strikes in a row and picked up two spares. Trevor stayed even with his brother but only through spares and high pin counts, matching up with Riley's occasional gutter ball.
Tom was really pleased. He enjoyed immensely watching Riley turn his few tips into a real game. Trevor also received a few pointers. My game also improved. Though, none of us, but Tom, broke 100. The next two games the boys were in the 90's.
Tom's game is rusty, which is the only reason we pulled off our wins. Another couple of family bowling outings and unless the boys keep getting better, Tom will blow us out of the water. The bets will change. Next time it will not be total scores added together, once they took Tom's tips and started using them, he would have to shoot an almost perfect game to beat them. He glowed with parental pleasure. I glowed with pleasure also. Not often can we pull off a whole afternoon of not a single harsh word and everyone is happy, while not plugged into the TV or game cube or computer.
I am now on the hunt for bowling balls. Tom likes a 10 pound ball, but often has a hard time finding ones with big enough holes. It was one of the reasons he didn't want to go with us, not being able to find a lighter ball that fit his fingers. I told him there was plenty of selection. The place had been crowded at first so he played with a 12 pound ball, But a young group left after our first game and I found in their selection a 10 pound that worked for Tom. Riley and Trevor would also like their own bowling balls. So if anyone has a 10 pound bowling
ball with big finger holes. Or not, I can always find some one to re drill the holes, please let me know.
I personally like an 8 or even a 6 pound, if anyone has that.
Our taxes are not done, but there is plenty of time. We can do them next weekend. Family is more important.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Improvements
Yesterday, Saturday, I worked. Tom was in charge. Last week he plugged the kids into the TV and the day ended with a huge fight. Today I came home to bliss. My kitchen was clean, the disaster that was my spare car was all cleaned out. Tom told me Trevor had mowed the neighbor's yard without pay, to earn brownie points.
Riley hadn't fared so well with the brownie points but he had done his share of work. Tom said it was a good day. The sun was out and the boys were on chores, not plugged into the TV. Tom looked happy and contented. He also kept telling me what a good day it had been. Got it. We both got it. He can manage those boys. He can get them to work , happily, without yelling or torture or punishment. They had fun and everyone was in a good mood when I got home.
Tom did say that our goal as parents of teenagers is to make them work so hard and be so miserable living at home that they want to move out. I don't want that to happen until senior year of high school is completed.
Today, my chore is to go through the office and clean it up so we can start our taxes. Guess I had better get started.
Riley hadn't fared so well with the brownie points but he had done his share of work. Tom said it was a good day. The sun was out and the boys were on chores, not plugged into the TV. Tom looked happy and contented. He also kept telling me what a good day it had been. Got it. We both got it. He can manage those boys. He can get them to work , happily, without yelling or torture or punishment. They had fun and everyone was in a good mood when I got home.
Tom did say that our goal as parents of teenagers is to make them work so hard and be so miserable living at home that they want to move out. I don't want that to happen until senior year of high school is completed.
Today, my chore is to go through the office and clean it up so we can start our taxes. Guess I had better get started.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Testosterone
I walked in on hostility last night. I had been at work all day. It was Saturday, so all the men were home playing games on the computer or watching TV. Anything more than 5 hours I find is unhealthy. It is one of the reasons, when I am home, the boys don't get to turn on the electronics first thing. We do chores instead, while they are fresh. I try to delay as long as possible.
They had been plugged in all day. About an hour before I came through the door, there had been an emotional explosion. Name calling in the game room over the x-box, who was more talented, who was smarter, who was fatter, and who was a sick weakling. Riley pounced first, but Trevor defended himself and retaliated, until their father broke them up. Testosterone is hard to contain without periodic physical activity. The boys were in their rooms pouting , when I came home with food.
I walked in calling for help with the grocery unloading. When the elephants didn't hit the stairs, I noticed the tension in the house. Tom called out for the boys, only Trevor appeared and slowly. Tom yells for Riley, who comes down and melts into tears with his father. Trevor gets another yelling, this time outside in the pouring rain, by his father. Before the deck door slammed shut on the deck I could hear Tom reminding Trevor that Riley, his only brother, has a life threatening disease. There was to be no physical fighting.
It had started with name calling, but Riley had thrown the first punch. I feel for Trevor. A guy has to defend himself. It is nice to know my boys will defend themselves. Neither one is a wimp. They just need to know how to take a step back. That takes parenting to teach.
I watch Tom from the balcony upstairs, after every one's tempers have passed. He is showing Trevor some boxing moves and how to punch properly. Keep your hands up, how to hold your wrists so you don't break them. O.K., this is why boys need male figures in their lives. It would never have crossed my mind to show them how to improve their fighting skills, after they had just been fighting. That was just strange to me. Maybe he was doing it because standing in a boxing stance looks so silly, someone will start laughing and the situation will diffuse itself naturally. Men are different.
The boys get the car unloaded. I have bought a lemon cake. I tell them each not until after dinner. It is really funny how a treat can defuse a situation. Riley notices the cake first. He perks right up, after giving me a long mommy hug. I tell him first real food. He sees the cereal, and asks for a bowl. I say OK. Dinner wont be ready for an hour. Trevor comes in with his bags and sees the cake. The same conversation ensues. Trevor settles on an apple, no hug, it is more like a pat on the back.
I have the boys gather the dirty dishes from around the house and get some counter space cleared to prepare beef stew. If you cut the chunks of raw meat up really small, the stew is ready all that much faster. All you have to do is wait for the carrots to soften and cutting the carrots really small helps them cook faster also. Riley likes his carrots quartered in chunks, not chopped tiny, so I don't use the chopper, even though I like the chopper because I like the tiny pieces. Feeding Riley is of primary importance. We cook it the way he likes it today. The boys need a little estrogen love.
Trevor has not done any of his chores in a couple of days. I send him out for the cans of garbage that have been on the street since Wednesday. He takes out the garbage pile built up in the kitchen with me helping. Tom tells him to get the mail. It is raining, but I think the fresh air will do Trevor some good. Get up and walk around after a day of TV games, ending in a fight.
The boys have recorded a new movie, RED. Tom caught a glimpse of it and said it was fun. We eat dinner in front of the TV, as a family. We each share blankets with the boys. The stew is delicious. The stew pot is empty by the time the movie ends. The mood is totally different from two hours earlier.
One thing that did come to light is Tom realized that his teen age boys do need their father to step in upon occasion, more often now that they are teenagers. They are just too big for me to handle. Riley weighs 127, but Trevor weighs 185 easily. I am not sure how I would have broken up a brawl. They need a male figure to talk to them about their expectations and behavior. Hearing it from their mother , 50% of it goes in one ear and out the other. Hearing it from their Dad, they might remember a bit more and respect the source as understanding manly things that a mere female would not understand.
Everyone is fine now. But I sure liked my babies when they were babies. These big young men take even more work than those helpless babies that I did everything for. Teenagers are hard work.
They had been plugged in all day. About an hour before I came through the door, there had been an emotional explosion. Name calling in the game room over the x-box, who was more talented, who was smarter, who was fatter, and who was a sick weakling. Riley pounced first, but Trevor defended himself and retaliated, until their father broke them up. Testosterone is hard to contain without periodic physical activity. The boys were in their rooms pouting , when I came home with food.
I walked in calling for help with the grocery unloading. When the elephants didn't hit the stairs, I noticed the tension in the house. Tom called out for the boys, only Trevor appeared and slowly. Tom yells for Riley, who comes down and melts into tears with his father. Trevor gets another yelling, this time outside in the pouring rain, by his father. Before the deck door slammed shut on the deck I could hear Tom reminding Trevor that Riley, his only brother, has a life threatening disease. There was to be no physical fighting.
It had started with name calling, but Riley had thrown the first punch. I feel for Trevor. A guy has to defend himself. It is nice to know my boys will defend themselves. Neither one is a wimp. They just need to know how to take a step back. That takes parenting to teach.
I watch Tom from the balcony upstairs, after every one's tempers have passed. He is showing Trevor some boxing moves and how to punch properly. Keep your hands up, how to hold your wrists so you don't break them. O.K., this is why boys need male figures in their lives. It would never have crossed my mind to show them how to improve their fighting skills, after they had just been fighting. That was just strange to me. Maybe he was doing it because standing in a boxing stance looks so silly, someone will start laughing and the situation will diffuse itself naturally. Men are different.
The boys get the car unloaded. I have bought a lemon cake. I tell them each not until after dinner. It is really funny how a treat can defuse a situation. Riley notices the cake first. He perks right up, after giving me a long mommy hug. I tell him first real food. He sees the cereal, and asks for a bowl. I say OK. Dinner wont be ready for an hour. Trevor comes in with his bags and sees the cake. The same conversation ensues. Trevor settles on an apple, no hug, it is more like a pat on the back.
I have the boys gather the dirty dishes from around the house and get some counter space cleared to prepare beef stew. If you cut the chunks of raw meat up really small, the stew is ready all that much faster. All you have to do is wait for the carrots to soften and cutting the carrots really small helps them cook faster also. Riley likes his carrots quartered in chunks, not chopped tiny, so I don't use the chopper, even though I like the chopper because I like the tiny pieces. Feeding Riley is of primary importance. We cook it the way he likes it today. The boys need a little estrogen love.
Trevor has not done any of his chores in a couple of days. I send him out for the cans of garbage that have been on the street since Wednesday. He takes out the garbage pile built up in the kitchen with me helping. Tom tells him to get the mail. It is raining, but I think the fresh air will do Trevor some good. Get up and walk around after a day of TV games, ending in a fight.
The boys have recorded a new movie, RED. Tom caught a glimpse of it and said it was fun. We eat dinner in front of the TV, as a family. We each share blankets with the boys. The stew is delicious. The stew pot is empty by the time the movie ends. The mood is totally different from two hours earlier.
One thing that did come to light is Tom realized that his teen age boys do need their father to step in upon occasion, more often now that they are teenagers. They are just too big for me to handle. Riley weighs 127, but Trevor weighs 185 easily. I am not sure how I would have broken up a brawl. They need a male figure to talk to them about their expectations and behavior. Hearing it from their mother , 50% of it goes in one ear and out the other. Hearing it from their Dad, they might remember a bit more and respect the source as understanding manly things that a mere female would not understand.
Everyone is fine now. But I sure liked my babies when they were babies. These big young men take even more work than those helpless babies that I did everything for. Teenagers are hard work.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Baby steps
Tom wants to retrain the boys. He has asked that they learn to lift up the toilet seat when they pee and not splatter. I asked that they just remember to do their chores without my having to ask every time. Tom said "baby steps", first they have to learn how to pee properly.
The visit with the Doctor
It has been a year now, since we started this path. Riley's numbers were about the same as in November, three months ago. The Doctor agreed to start weening him off the cyclosporine. Riley will go from 400 milligrams a day in two doses of 200 morning and night, to 350 with the evening dose being the one with only 150 milligrams and two hundred in the morning still. We start tonight. Riley will have his blood checked each month, next time is March 10. The doctor will give us the results by phone. We wont be meeting with him. If Riley's numbers hold, we will take away another 50 milligrams or 1 pill a day on the morning dose. Check in another month and see. It will take until June before he is completely off. The tests will be at Dornbechers. The doctor wants to keep consistant with the use of the same lab each time.
We re- assess with the doctor in June. If Platelets are at 60,000 we discuss options, upping the cyclosporine, retreating with ATG, which we don't want to do, or BMT. If the platelets have fallen below to thresholds of 20,000 to 30,000, we activate donors and see who is available. It is good to have spare donors, when the doctor started ticking off the reasons why someone might be disqualified when they were an option before, we realized how good it is to have spare choices. Like if a donor has grown old or had heart surgery or had children or come down with some disease or STD that disqualifies them. They may have severe allergies that are not known until a full medical screen occurs when they are activated. Or they just can't be located anymore.
I asked, if after BMT, Riley would still have to take meds. For the first few months only. BMT is the only transplant that doesn't need immune suppressants for life since you get a whole new immune system. "Whoa" said Riley. He picked right up on the fact that he would have to get re immunized with shots for everything, all over again. Even the whooping cough. The doctor also said that if the donor has any allergies Riley would have those allergies also. Stem cells that are transferred are so young they don't hold the immunities of the donor but they will have the allergies. Pretty cool.
The doctor also said that it is only a 5 to 10% chance that Riley would need to go to BMT. He said a few even start getting better once off the drugs, 1 in 5. Most just hang in mediocrity with their numbers around where Riley is now. 1 in 5 get worse.
So again it is a waiting game. Riley will slowly, and the doctor emphasized slowly, ween off the cyclosporine. 10% at a time, with at least a month between dosage changes. Nothing to trigger the body.
He did tell Riley to drink more fluids and keep the magnesium dose the same. It was a good conversation.
We also asked if our new favorite hospital show, Gray's Anatomy, was anything like the hospital. That got a good chuckle. He watches it at home occasionally with his family. He said what he found funny was that in the show there is only one attending per specialty. In a real hospital you call for a cardiac surgeon and 50 surgeons might show up. Its not even a skeleton crew on the show. He also said dating a subordinate would get you fired faster than blinking. No compromises. We all got a good laugh out of the conversation.
The doctor asked how Riley is doing in school. Riley told him about his classes. We described the trimester system with 5 classes a trimester, only 2 trimesters needed for a year's credit, the rest can be electives. He pointed out that students could graduate in two and a half years. That is correct, with the right schedule. Senior year can be all college classes. That can be very helpful to offset college expenses. Since Riley isn't an athlete, he can really take advantage of this kind of accelerated program. If he stays with core classes and few electives.
Riley asked if he could do loops in an airplane at these levels. The doctor said if the plane crashed, even 300,000 platelets wouldn't help, so to go ahead and fly. Bleeding gums shouldn't be a problem either so I can start nagging the boy to floss again. Without the CBC panels each month I doubt we will be able to tell if there are changes. I think Tom and I are going to be quite happy being able to get our numbers again every month.
Trevor was in a foul mood though when we got home. He had to walk home from school after homework club. A friend had come with him, but their play time was cut short when the boy's mom came early to pick him up. I even brought home KFC but it wasn't enough. Trevor is all boy, and being female, I am around just to harass him in his mind. I did try to give him space but the good computer is in my office off my bed room, so I couldn't even hide out from his bad mood as he invaded the office to use the good computer, while I was on it. I am trying to be patient and give him space. I think the PB and J's are beginning to wear thin. But my wallet is shut, until I see some grade improvement. And I am not going to fight about it.
We re- assess with the doctor in June. If Platelets are at 60,000 we discuss options, upping the cyclosporine, retreating with ATG, which we don't want to do, or BMT. If the platelets have fallen below to thresholds of 20,000 to 30,000, we activate donors and see who is available. It is good to have spare donors, when the doctor started ticking off the reasons why someone might be disqualified when they were an option before, we realized how good it is to have spare choices. Like if a donor has grown old or had heart surgery or had children or come down with some disease or STD that disqualifies them. They may have severe allergies that are not known until a full medical screen occurs when they are activated. Or they just can't be located anymore.
I asked, if after BMT, Riley would still have to take meds. For the first few months only. BMT is the only transplant that doesn't need immune suppressants for life since you get a whole new immune system. "Whoa" said Riley. He picked right up on the fact that he would have to get re immunized with shots for everything, all over again. Even the whooping cough. The doctor also said that if the donor has any allergies Riley would have those allergies also. Stem cells that are transferred are so young they don't hold the immunities of the donor but they will have the allergies. Pretty cool.
The doctor also said that it is only a 5 to 10% chance that Riley would need to go to BMT. He said a few even start getting better once off the drugs, 1 in 5. Most just hang in mediocrity with their numbers around where Riley is now. 1 in 5 get worse.
So again it is a waiting game. Riley will slowly, and the doctor emphasized slowly, ween off the cyclosporine. 10% at a time, with at least a month between dosage changes. Nothing to trigger the body.
He did tell Riley to drink more fluids and keep the magnesium dose the same. It was a good conversation.
We also asked if our new favorite hospital show, Gray's Anatomy, was anything like the hospital. That got a good chuckle. He watches it at home occasionally with his family. He said what he found funny was that in the show there is only one attending per specialty. In a real hospital you call for a cardiac surgeon and 50 surgeons might show up. Its not even a skeleton crew on the show. He also said dating a subordinate would get you fired faster than blinking. No compromises. We all got a good laugh out of the conversation.
The doctor asked how Riley is doing in school. Riley told him about his classes. We described the trimester system with 5 classes a trimester, only 2 trimesters needed for a year's credit, the rest can be electives. He pointed out that students could graduate in two and a half years. That is correct, with the right schedule. Senior year can be all college classes. That can be very helpful to offset college expenses. Since Riley isn't an athlete, he can really take advantage of this kind of accelerated program. If he stays with core classes and few electives.
Riley asked if he could do loops in an airplane at these levels. The doctor said if the plane crashed, even 300,000 platelets wouldn't help, so to go ahead and fly. Bleeding gums shouldn't be a problem either so I can start nagging the boy to floss again. Without the CBC panels each month I doubt we will be able to tell if there are changes. I think Tom and I are going to be quite happy being able to get our numbers again every month.
Trevor was in a foul mood though when we got home. He had to walk home from school after homework club. A friend had come with him, but their play time was cut short when the boy's mom came early to pick him up. I even brought home KFC but it wasn't enough. Trevor is all boy, and being female, I am around just to harass him in his mind. I did try to give him space but the good computer is in my office off my bed room, so I couldn't even hide out from his bad mood as he invaded the office to use the good computer, while I was on it. I am trying to be patient and give him space. I think the PB and J's are beginning to wear thin. But my wallet is shut, until I see some grade improvement. And I am not going to fight about it.
Today is the day
Tom is staying home from work. I told Riley I would pick him up after school, not to get on the bus. The appointment is at 4:00. We are supposed to get there early enough to have blood work done. It will be tight. Last time we were waiting on the numbers. Riley doesn't want to miss his last class though. Its computer animation. He says the computer is finally doing what he wants it to do. He needs to be in class. I don't want to argue with success and my A student. He misses enough days for health reasons already. That he wants to go to school and be in class is awesome.
Trevor has homework club. He is to walk home afterwards. He was throwing a fit this morning that I would not be picking him up afterwards. I hid in my room so I wouldn't have to yell back. "Grades, Grades, Grades, get the grades up and rewards will come." I am a stuck record. I guess I am supposed to say a stuck CD. We just can't be at two places at once. Besides Trevor should have to walk home. It is good for his health and fitness.
Trevor's math teacher finally took pity on me. She is one of the teachers in Homework club. She is allowing Trevor to hand in his work once he is done and finished in the afternoon. Well, really she is taking it from him when he is finished, to guarantee delivery of the finished work. She told him she was tired of receiving e-mails from me. Advocating for your child does help. As long as he does the work in Homework club, it will be delivered on time.
I feel the walk home is suitable for the occasion. He could ride his bike to school on those days if he chose. It is a safe route. I can see he has gotten lazy over the winter. What I should do is walk to school myself and then walk home with him. That would be fun if I could remember not to lecture and remember to make it fun. Maybe stop at the store for a treat on the way. I will figure it out next week. This week he needs to walk by himself and buck up. Trevor wanted to go with us to the hospital, but I knew it was to play the PlayStation in the waiting room. He has homework club and he needs it. If the grades were decent I would make different choices.
I did find out that unless he has a passing grade of a C or better, he can not go on the big competition trip in the spring with the band. I let the teacher know I will back her in that decision if she needs to bench Trevor.
To vent some of my frustrations and energy yesterday, I did mow the lawn and my neighbor's front yard. They have their house for sale and it needed a mow. I like to mow lawns, I do not like to tidy up mess after mess inside my house. Every time I turn around my teen age boys have made a man size mess for some one else to clean up.
I had them make the bed in the game room this week. Last night Trevor had his friends over and some how the bed was stripped and the mattress half dragged off the bed. It is all still there for me to clean up, because they had to go to school this morning, no time to clean up. I am trying really hard to catch them at the time, but they are really good at distraction or going to bed before I see the mess. I am most likely not going to make them get up on a school night after bedtime to clean up.
Tom doesn't want conflict. It makes it hard to tell them to clean it up, when he is saying "Not now, they can do it later." So there is the mess the next day. I will just shut the door. It will still be there tomorrow to deal with. My window of time is after school and before Tom gets home. Of course the boys want play time after school. I don't want chores to be evil or myself for that matter. But some how I have become a nag to my children. I just can't keep up on four adult messes. My mess is just as bad, admittedly. But by the time I clean up after everyone else, I am too tired to deal with my mess.
Can you tell I am stressing. Vent Vent Vent. Whine Whine Whine. I am just killing time. Its a long day waiting until school lets out and we go. I already mowed the lawn, I guess I could go weed the flower beds. My house is a disaster at the moment. I need to clearance things, cut the clutter. I could probably throw out a ton of papers. Tax season is here. Plenty to do to distract and kill time.
I am also headed to the school at 11:00 for lunches. I am still collecting permission slips for the air band competition. Trevor's band now has all theirs in. I picked them up myself. Why I am even helping him with this I do not know. I guess it is so he doesn't think I am all cruel and mean all the time. I am off to clean up messes now.
Trevor has homework club. He is to walk home afterwards. He was throwing a fit this morning that I would not be picking him up afterwards. I hid in my room so I wouldn't have to yell back. "Grades, Grades, Grades, get the grades up and rewards will come." I am a stuck record. I guess I am supposed to say a stuck CD. We just can't be at two places at once. Besides Trevor should have to walk home. It is good for his health and fitness.
Trevor's math teacher finally took pity on me. She is one of the teachers in Homework club. She is allowing Trevor to hand in his work once he is done and finished in the afternoon. Well, really she is taking it from him when he is finished, to guarantee delivery of the finished work. She told him she was tired of receiving e-mails from me. Advocating for your child does help. As long as he does the work in Homework club, it will be delivered on time.
I feel the walk home is suitable for the occasion. He could ride his bike to school on those days if he chose. It is a safe route. I can see he has gotten lazy over the winter. What I should do is walk to school myself and then walk home with him. That would be fun if I could remember not to lecture and remember to make it fun. Maybe stop at the store for a treat on the way. I will figure it out next week. This week he needs to walk by himself and buck up. Trevor wanted to go with us to the hospital, but I knew it was to play the PlayStation in the waiting room. He has homework club and he needs it. If the grades were decent I would make different choices.
I did find out that unless he has a passing grade of a C or better, he can not go on the big competition trip in the spring with the band. I let the teacher know I will back her in that decision if she needs to bench Trevor.
To vent some of my frustrations and energy yesterday, I did mow the lawn and my neighbor's front yard. They have their house for sale and it needed a mow. I like to mow lawns, I do not like to tidy up mess after mess inside my house. Every time I turn around my teen age boys have made a man size mess for some one else to clean up.
I had them make the bed in the game room this week. Last night Trevor had his friends over and some how the bed was stripped and the mattress half dragged off the bed. It is all still there for me to clean up, because they had to go to school this morning, no time to clean up. I am trying really hard to catch them at the time, but they are really good at distraction or going to bed before I see the mess. I am most likely not going to make them get up on a school night after bedtime to clean up.
Tom doesn't want conflict. It makes it hard to tell them to clean it up, when he is saying "Not now, they can do it later." So there is the mess the next day. I will just shut the door. It will still be there tomorrow to deal with. My window of time is after school and before Tom gets home. Of course the boys want play time after school. I don't want chores to be evil or myself for that matter. But some how I have become a nag to my children. I just can't keep up on four adult messes. My mess is just as bad, admittedly. But by the time I clean up after everyone else, I am too tired to deal with my mess.
Can you tell I am stressing. Vent Vent Vent. Whine Whine Whine. I am just killing time. Its a long day waiting until school lets out and we go. I already mowed the lawn, I guess I could go weed the flower beds. My house is a disaster at the moment. I need to clearance things, cut the clutter. I could probably throw out a ton of papers. Tax season is here. Plenty to do to distract and kill time.
I am also headed to the school at 11:00 for lunches. I am still collecting permission slips for the air band competition. Trevor's band now has all theirs in. I picked them up myself. Why I am even helping him with this I do not know. I guess it is so he doesn't think I am all cruel and mean all the time. I am off to clean up messes now.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Migraine complaining
I have had two headaches in the past week. Last night was a doozy. I went upstairs to my darkened bedroom by 8:oo to lie down. Tom sent the boys up to check on me. All I really wanted was dark quiet. Tom was concerned that this was my second in as many days. Stress will do that to you.
Tom came to bed and wanted to turn on the light to read. He asked if I minded. Finally, after heavy sighing, I told him to read downstairs. My headache was that painful. Usually I don't mind, but even the hall light was causing hurt and pain.
I had gotten mad at Trevor about homework, because he had gotten made at me for telling him to go practice his drums. I drank lots of water at work, so it wasn't dehydration. I guess the trigger was the stress of yelling at Trevor. I think I may be becoming allergic to my son and his homework. Tom said he had already lectured Trevor and Riley before I got home. Trevor must have hit a wall as far as parental lecturing when I started in on him. Anyway the headache went from dull to painful in an hour.
I was able to make scalloped potatoes and ham for dinner, before bailing on the family TV time. The residue from dinner was waiting for me when I got up in the morning. I collected the dirty dishes from the living room and after unloading the clean from the day before, loaded up last night's.
It made me a little cranky that Riley hadn't unloaded the clean ones the night before or this morning. Trevor is also supposed to take the garbage to the street for garbage day. He forgot the bags sitting on the floor ready to go, in the kitchen, but did get the big cans to the street. Bible study is this afternoon or I would have left the chores for the boys to do, but I needed to get the kitchen in some semblance of order before the other boys arrive to study.
Wednesday is my tidy up day, since company comes. It may not look tidy to the guests, but it is a lot better than other days of the week. The dining room table is cleared off and I try to get the kitchen counters scrubbed clean. Pick up the living room. The clutter is down to a dull roar. Its a great motivator, bible study. I just wish it looked like I had done something by the end of the day. But I know what I accomplished. I did the boys' chores.
I am cranky. I should not have to ask. These chores should be done automatically. But then what do I expect, when it gets this bad. I am going out to mow the lawn. Its a beautiful day. That will make me feel better. But first I will vacuum the living room.
Tom came to bed and wanted to turn on the light to read. He asked if I minded. Finally, after heavy sighing, I told him to read downstairs. My headache was that painful. Usually I don't mind, but even the hall light was causing hurt and pain.
I had gotten mad at Trevor about homework, because he had gotten made at me for telling him to go practice his drums. I drank lots of water at work, so it wasn't dehydration. I guess the trigger was the stress of yelling at Trevor. I think I may be becoming allergic to my son and his homework. Tom said he had already lectured Trevor and Riley before I got home. Trevor must have hit a wall as far as parental lecturing when I started in on him. Anyway the headache went from dull to painful in an hour.
I was able to make scalloped potatoes and ham for dinner, before bailing on the family TV time. The residue from dinner was waiting for me when I got up in the morning. I collected the dirty dishes from the living room and after unloading the clean from the day before, loaded up last night's.
It made me a little cranky that Riley hadn't unloaded the clean ones the night before or this morning. Trevor is also supposed to take the garbage to the street for garbage day. He forgot the bags sitting on the floor ready to go, in the kitchen, but did get the big cans to the street. Bible study is this afternoon or I would have left the chores for the boys to do, but I needed to get the kitchen in some semblance of order before the other boys arrive to study.
Wednesday is my tidy up day, since company comes. It may not look tidy to the guests, but it is a lot better than other days of the week. The dining room table is cleared off and I try to get the kitchen counters scrubbed clean. Pick up the living room. The clutter is down to a dull roar. Its a great motivator, bible study. I just wish it looked like I had done something by the end of the day. But I know what I accomplished. I did the boys' chores.
I am cranky. I should not have to ask. These chores should be done automatically. But then what do I expect, when it gets this bad. I am going out to mow the lawn. Its a beautiful day. That will make me feel better. But first I will vacuum the living room.
Hair cuts
Tom needed a hair cut so I brought out my trusty electric clippers. I put on a #7 and away the hair flew. I left the bangs alone, but everything else was clipped short. It looked great when I was done. I am always a little surprised that Tom still lets me do it. But he hates to bother with going to the barber worse than the the fear I might shave him bald.
I learned my lesson years ago before children. Tom asked me to cut his hair and I used the wrong number. #2 is really short. If he were an army man he would have loved it. I didn't love it. half way through the cut I had to stop and cry. I couldn't continue. Then I laughed, he looked so bad. I left tufts, islands of hair. I knew he must really love me afterwards since he didn't kill me for scalping him. I couldn't keep a straight face when I looked at him it was so bad.
He wore a baseball cap to work the next day. You could tell something was missing under the cap though. So his coworkers tried really hard to knock the cap off to see the new do. He finally just had to show it off to be left in peace. That hair cut got a great laugh at work. He should have just let me finish it, not that there was much left to finish. But I quit before I could clean the edges up. It looked awful. I knew I couldn't take him out in public for weeks, until his hair grew back. Luckily, it grows quickly.
For a while I even hired a stylist to come to the house when Tom needed a cut. He started calling on those days telling me he would be late home due to work. I stopped having the stylist come to the house.
Then there was the time I cut his hair while watching a football game. He says it was my fault, but he was the one that leaped up during a play on TV. I was doing the clean up with the exposed blade. I put a deep trench in the side of his head of hair. Totally destroying a beautiful cut.
I am very careful now. I always let Tom know that I have removed the protective blades when I do the clean up with the exposed short blade. No flinching allowed. "Don't move".
Riley comes downstairs and Tom says he needs a cut also. "Lets look good for the doctor's visit." Riley is not thrilled. He has just come out of the bath. He will need another shower once we are done as his hair makes him itchy after the hair cut. Unlike his father, Riley's hair is more like mine, thin and fine. It flows through the blades without cutting, floating.
First I use the exposed blade to clean up the long sideburns that have been driving me crazy. They were almost long enough to start twirling in his fingers. Then I sneak, while he is not looking or paying attention, and do a quick sweep of his chin. He shrieks, I have cut his beard hairs. These are random long hairs that have grown in on his chin. He is very proud of these nasty inch long random hairs. No one else is growing a "beard" at school. I tell him now that I have cut half, he has to let me finish. He has to let me take off those nasty long hairs on his chin. He looks so much better with them gone. I use the #7 for the rest of his head. I have to hold up his fine hair to get it to cut. His hair stands up on end all over his head. It looks so much better and yet it looks youthful, naturally spiky. He likes it too.
It is too late to tackle Trevor, who has seen what is coming and disappeared to his room already. I will catch him on another day. Trevor has told me he will not get his hair cut until I give him his lunch money back. I told him grades grades grades. I can live with the long hair if it gets the grades. I know Tom will get involved if Trevor really needs a hair cut.
I learned my lesson years ago before children. Tom asked me to cut his hair and I used the wrong number. #2 is really short. If he were an army man he would have loved it. I didn't love it. half way through the cut I had to stop and cry. I couldn't continue. Then I laughed, he looked so bad. I left tufts, islands of hair. I knew he must really love me afterwards since he didn't kill me for scalping him. I couldn't keep a straight face when I looked at him it was so bad.
He wore a baseball cap to work the next day. You could tell something was missing under the cap though. So his coworkers tried really hard to knock the cap off to see the new do. He finally just had to show it off to be left in peace. That hair cut got a great laugh at work. He should have just let me finish it, not that there was much left to finish. But I quit before I could clean the edges up. It looked awful. I knew I couldn't take him out in public for weeks, until his hair grew back. Luckily, it grows quickly.
For a while I even hired a stylist to come to the house when Tom needed a cut. He started calling on those days telling me he would be late home due to work. I stopped having the stylist come to the house.
Then there was the time I cut his hair while watching a football game. He says it was my fault, but he was the one that leaped up during a play on TV. I was doing the clean up with the exposed blade. I put a deep trench in the side of his head of hair. Totally destroying a beautiful cut.
I am very careful now. I always let Tom know that I have removed the protective blades when I do the clean up with the exposed short blade. No flinching allowed. "Don't move".
Riley comes downstairs and Tom says he needs a cut also. "Lets look good for the doctor's visit." Riley is not thrilled. He has just come out of the bath. He will need another shower once we are done as his hair makes him itchy after the hair cut. Unlike his father, Riley's hair is more like mine, thin and fine. It flows through the blades without cutting, floating.
First I use the exposed blade to clean up the long sideburns that have been driving me crazy. They were almost long enough to start twirling in his fingers. Then I sneak, while he is not looking or paying attention, and do a quick sweep of his chin. He shrieks, I have cut his beard hairs. These are random long hairs that have grown in on his chin. He is very proud of these nasty inch long random hairs. No one else is growing a "beard" at school. I tell him now that I have cut half, he has to let me finish. He has to let me take off those nasty long hairs on his chin. He looks so much better with them gone. I use the #7 for the rest of his head. I have to hold up his fine hair to get it to cut. His hair stands up on end all over his head. It looks so much better and yet it looks youthful, naturally spiky. He likes it too.
It is too late to tackle Trevor, who has seen what is coming and disappeared to his room already. I will catch him on another day. Trevor has told me he will not get his hair cut until I give him his lunch money back. I told him grades grades grades. I can live with the long hair if it gets the grades. I know Tom will get involved if Trevor really needs a hair cut.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Why wheen
This is something of a refresher among us, but some one asked why take Riley off the drugs? The drug, cyclosporan is an immune suppressant. He takes high doses of Magnesium because the cyclosporan eats up all the magnesium in his body. If Riley doesn't stay constantly hydrated the cyclosporan ends up stressing his kidney's and liver to dangerous levels. On days Riley doesn't drink enough water or fluids, his pee looks like dark earl grey tea.Too often for my comfort, do I see that color in his bathroom toilet. The child doesn't know how to flush, but that has turned out to be a great way for me to check on him without being obvious. To give him credit, often his pee is a normal light color, or only slightly tea stained.
Long term stress to kidneys and liver leads to organ failure. The Doctor says he has patients on this drug for 10 years. That is just about the length of time they have been using this drug. It was discovered 10 years ago for this treatment. So there are no longer length statistics.
The people who take this drug long term are those that don't have the option of Bone Marrow. They probably don't have a good match. Riley has a huge advantage with at least 6 exceptional matches, almost as good as sibling. I can only guess at the number of good match is because Tom's and my ancestry are so similar, White European, mostly Great Britain.
That in itself is a story. I tried to give blood recently. The nurse wanted the dates I was in England in 1987. One of the questions on the exclusion is if you were over 3 months in Great Britain between 1981 and 1992, when mad cow decease was an issue. Mad cow comes from eating red meat and there is no check for it.
I went over to London around January 20Th to study, in 1987. I was in school and traveling Great Britain until school let out in May, closer to four months. I am now, 24 years later, still considered a risk. The true screen time is 14 years, but it hasn't been adjusted in the Red Cross computers. Arbitrarily, I can no longer give blood because I was in England two weeks too long. I even stayed with a vegetarian woman and her son. But I did have roast beef sandwiches at the deli for lunches. I have yet to see any manifestations of mad cow.
Statistics for Riley show that the most successful Bone Marrow transplants, with the least complications, occur within a year of diagnosis. We are now a year. Once we started the horse serum treatment initially, with the cyclosporan, it committed us to giving the treatment a year to see how Riley responded. We didn't know at the time we had matches on the donor list. They came up three days after treatment had begun. We were committed to the treatment. Riley's numbers were so bad we didn't have the luxury of waiting. Riley responded well to the treatment. It was much less invasive and painful than Bone marrow transplant will be. No full body radiation or chemotherapy to kill all what was left of his natural marrow needed.
Over the year his blood number have been increasing . His numbers are good, not normal, with platelet levels last time they were measured at 130,000, that allows him to do ordinary things that may cause bumps or bruises and survive. He has even recover from two colds this year without interference other than regular over the counter medications for the common cold. Yes, we did get him x-rayed and checked out when he was sick, because of the immune suppressant drug, cyclosporan, but when no complications such as pneumonia, we let the colds run their course.
Luckily Riley gets good grades and High School teachers accommodate for missing assignments. He has been proactive, and getting the make up work in. I told Riley $50 for Burgerville if he gets straight A's at mid term report card. He is in advanced classes and doing well.
The longer he stays on the drug, the harder it is for his body. There is even something called chemo brain, where there is memory loss. So far he hasn't shown symptoms. That may be after more intensive therapy.
There is a small percentage, maybe 10% that hold their numbers after being removed from the drugs. That is our hope and dream. We would watch Riley like a cancer survivor. For the next 3 to 5 years he would be regularly tested. CBC would be drawn to check his numbers. After 5 years he would would be considered cured, but relapse is not unknown. This time he would know what symptoms to look for early.
If his numbers do not hold then we do bone marrow. It will be awful, but the advantage is it is a cure, not a therapeutic treatment like he is taking now. He survives, and he is a rebooted computer, all fixed and ready to go. His age is to his advantage. His organs have not been over stressed yet by years of medicine abuse. We wait and he loses those advantages.
So here we are. Thursday, February 10, we go to the doctor and tell him it has been a year. We have given the therapeutic treatment its fair chance. Lets see if it worked. Then we wait, again. We wait to see what happens. We wait for signs of bone marrow failure, which I think are so subtle that we missed them completely for months the first time. The real good signs only show up in the end stages; peticcia on the skin, bruises when there shouldn't be, and excessive tiredness.
Now Riley is so hairy, one of the side effects of the cyclosporan, that I don't know if I can spot the peticcia on his legs if it did make a reappearance. A little humor. This time I will have to be careful not to hover. Knowing what may be coming, it will be hard not to want to check him constantly for signs.
When we walked into that hospital and found out he had only 9000 platelets that first day, when there should have been 400,000, I still choke up and sob. He is doing so well now. He is going to school. He is on track with his grades and making friends. So far this is only a blip in his very long life.
So we will wait, again. Will it be a short wait? Once off the drugs will his number hold? At this point I don't mind the waiting. I am not looking forward to BMT. Right now Riley is loving his classes at High School. He loves the learning and the fun teachers. He is happy and alive. But we can't lose the advantage of age and matches.
Long term stress to kidneys and liver leads to organ failure. The Doctor says he has patients on this drug for 10 years. That is just about the length of time they have been using this drug. It was discovered 10 years ago for this treatment. So there are no longer length statistics.
The people who take this drug long term are those that don't have the option of Bone Marrow. They probably don't have a good match. Riley has a huge advantage with at least 6 exceptional matches, almost as good as sibling. I can only guess at the number of good match is because Tom's and my ancestry are so similar, White European, mostly Great Britain.
That in itself is a story. I tried to give blood recently. The nurse wanted the dates I was in England in 1987. One of the questions on the exclusion is if you were over 3 months in Great Britain between 1981 and 1992, when mad cow decease was an issue. Mad cow comes from eating red meat and there is no check for it.
I went over to London around January 20Th to study, in 1987. I was in school and traveling Great Britain until school let out in May, closer to four months. I am now, 24 years later, still considered a risk. The true screen time is 14 years, but it hasn't been adjusted in the Red Cross computers. Arbitrarily, I can no longer give blood because I was in England two weeks too long. I even stayed with a vegetarian woman and her son. But I did have roast beef sandwiches at the deli for lunches. I have yet to see any manifestations of mad cow.
Statistics for Riley show that the most successful Bone Marrow transplants, with the least complications, occur within a year of diagnosis. We are now a year. Once we started the horse serum treatment initially, with the cyclosporan, it committed us to giving the treatment a year to see how Riley responded. We didn't know at the time we had matches on the donor list. They came up three days after treatment had begun. We were committed to the treatment. Riley's numbers were so bad we didn't have the luxury of waiting. Riley responded well to the treatment. It was much less invasive and painful than Bone marrow transplant will be. No full body radiation or chemotherapy to kill all what was left of his natural marrow needed.
Over the year his blood number have been increasing . His numbers are good, not normal, with platelet levels last time they were measured at 130,000, that allows him to do ordinary things that may cause bumps or bruises and survive. He has even recover from two colds this year without interference other than regular over the counter medications for the common cold. Yes, we did get him x-rayed and checked out when he was sick, because of the immune suppressant drug, cyclosporan, but when no complications such as pneumonia, we let the colds run their course.
Luckily Riley gets good grades and High School teachers accommodate for missing assignments. He has been proactive, and getting the make up work in. I told Riley $50 for Burgerville if he gets straight A's at mid term report card. He is in advanced classes and doing well.
The longer he stays on the drug, the harder it is for his body. There is even something called chemo brain, where there is memory loss. So far he hasn't shown symptoms. That may be after more intensive therapy.
There is a small percentage, maybe 10% that hold their numbers after being removed from the drugs. That is our hope and dream. We would watch Riley like a cancer survivor. For the next 3 to 5 years he would be regularly tested. CBC would be drawn to check his numbers. After 5 years he would would be considered cured, but relapse is not unknown. This time he would know what symptoms to look for early.
If his numbers do not hold then we do bone marrow. It will be awful, but the advantage is it is a cure, not a therapeutic treatment like he is taking now. He survives, and he is a rebooted computer, all fixed and ready to go. His age is to his advantage. His organs have not been over stressed yet by years of medicine abuse. We wait and he loses those advantages.
So here we are. Thursday, February 10, we go to the doctor and tell him it has been a year. We have given the therapeutic treatment its fair chance. Lets see if it worked. Then we wait, again. We wait to see what happens. We wait for signs of bone marrow failure, which I think are so subtle that we missed them completely for months the first time. The real good signs only show up in the end stages; peticcia on the skin, bruises when there shouldn't be, and excessive tiredness.
Now Riley is so hairy, one of the side effects of the cyclosporan, that I don't know if I can spot the peticcia on his legs if it did make a reappearance. A little humor. This time I will have to be careful not to hover. Knowing what may be coming, it will be hard not to want to check him constantly for signs.
When we walked into that hospital and found out he had only 9000 platelets that first day, when there should have been 400,000, I still choke up and sob. He is doing so well now. He is going to school. He is on track with his grades and making friends. So far this is only a blip in his very long life.
So we will wait, again. Will it be a short wait? Once off the drugs will his number hold? At this point I don't mind the waiting. I am not looking forward to BMT. Right now Riley is loving his classes at High School. He loves the learning and the fun teachers. He is happy and alive. But we can't lose the advantage of age and matches.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
pride in socialized children
Riley missed the bus after school yesterday. He called from the office and I had to go get him. I told him as long as he misses the bus on days I don't work and am available to pick him up, its fine. If I can't make it, his fall back plan is to ride the public bus. The bus circles town every hour. It takes forever, but eventually he would make it home. He has done it once this year already.
As I pick him up he tells me not to ask why he missed the bus. Well, with that kind of opener, of course I have to ask. He tells me he was talking in the hall to another kid and didn't realize the time. What? Riley socializing? I give him a high five. I ask who he was talking to, was it a girl? No, not so lucky. But he does know the first name of the boy he was talking to. Wow!! Another high five. He knows some one's name. It warms my heart, Riley has a friend and his friend has a name. He didn't know his last name, but small steps, Mom.
Trevor has put together his band and they seem motivated. They met at our house to pick out music. As they come trooping through the front door, Riley comes trooping down the stairs. I can see the hairs on the back of his neck raise. He is like a dog defending his territory. My job is to gently pull on the leash, so he doesn't go into attack mode. I stop him at the stairs, while the boys get snacks and settled. Riley hovers, but he is past the attack phase now. He can give his brother and his friends time and room to do their thing.
I could just see Riley rushing in calling out, "That's mine, that's mine. You can't have it." What ever "It" was. Or make some rude comments that antagonizes Trevor or bullies the boys, who are inferior by age. Comment on Trevor's grades, his size, there is a whole litany of lines he can use to start a fight or shouting match, just because he wants to be included but because of his superior age it is beneath him.
I am able to stave off the attack. Interrupt the comment flow so no one picks up on his rudeness. It only takes a couple of minutes for that territory defensive posturing to pass and for him to settle down and enjoy the company. He loses interest and heads back upstairs to the game room.
The boys eat their snacks and then pick their music. All is well. Not my favorite choice of song, but I am not the musically inclined. One boy's Mom arrives to take her son away. I set the timer as it is a school night and tell the others they can play until the bell, but then I am taking everyone home. They head upstairs to the game room and Riley. I listen with one ear. But now they are in Riley's realm. He gets them set up on X Box and shows the boys how to play games they have never played before. Everyone is happy. Riley even lets the guests have the controller since it is his first time. He verbally directs where to send the player on the screen, but lets the boy do the controller himself. Yes!! manners!!
The bell goes off and I chauffeur everyone home.
As I pick him up he tells me not to ask why he missed the bus. Well, with that kind of opener, of course I have to ask. He tells me he was talking in the hall to another kid and didn't realize the time. What? Riley socializing? I give him a high five. I ask who he was talking to, was it a girl? No, not so lucky. But he does know the first name of the boy he was talking to. Wow!! Another high five. He knows some one's name. It warms my heart, Riley has a friend and his friend has a name. He didn't know his last name, but small steps, Mom.
Trevor has put together his band and they seem motivated. They met at our house to pick out music. As they come trooping through the front door, Riley comes trooping down the stairs. I can see the hairs on the back of his neck raise. He is like a dog defending his territory. My job is to gently pull on the leash, so he doesn't go into attack mode. I stop him at the stairs, while the boys get snacks and settled. Riley hovers, but he is past the attack phase now. He can give his brother and his friends time and room to do their thing.
I could just see Riley rushing in calling out, "That's mine, that's mine. You can't have it." What ever "It" was. Or make some rude comments that antagonizes Trevor or bullies the boys, who are inferior by age. Comment on Trevor's grades, his size, there is a whole litany of lines he can use to start a fight or shouting match, just because he wants to be included but because of his superior age it is beneath him.
I am able to stave off the attack. Interrupt the comment flow so no one picks up on his rudeness. It only takes a couple of minutes for that territory defensive posturing to pass and for him to settle down and enjoy the company. He loses interest and heads back upstairs to the game room.
The boys eat their snacks and then pick their music. All is well. Not my favorite choice of song, but I am not the musically inclined. One boy's Mom arrives to take her son away. I set the timer as it is a school night and tell the others they can play until the bell, but then I am taking everyone home. They head upstairs to the game room and Riley. I listen with one ear. But now they are in Riley's realm. He gets them set up on X Box and shows the boys how to play games they have never played before. Everyone is happy. Riley even lets the guests have the controller since it is his first time. He verbally directs where to send the player on the screen, but lets the boy do the controller himself. Yes!! manners!!
The bell goes off and I chauffeur everyone home.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The other boys
Every child is unique and different. I can get Trevor to take out the garbage or throw on a load of laundry, or feed the cat, with no talking back, just a "Sure". He says thank you when needed.
Then there is my child that gets good grades without batting an eye. He is easy to live with, keeps a low profile when I am cranky, and knows when I need a hug to defuse me. Today he needed a lift to school early to finish a test or an assignment. He takes advantage of those offers when a teacher says he will be available for make up work. It is great for Riley who has missed days and will probably miss more days because of his health.
I get up and dressed and tell Riley to meet me at the car. I head outside. It is garbage day so while I wait for Riley to come out, I take the garbage to the street. Three cans, three trips, still no Riley, I start the car and back out. Riley comes out the front door with a grin. He has been waiting for the chauffer to warm up the car.
He requests music, not news, on the radio. When I drop him at the school, he requests I drive up close to the door he likes. I don't mind as it is not busy, otherwise I would drop him at the curb and make him walk the block to the school, in order to avoid the traffic. We are early so going right up to the door was not a problem. But when the boy gets out, does he even look back? or say "Thanks for the lift Mom?" Not this child.
We will be having conversations about manners when he gets home tonight. I might make him do some of Trevor's chores for a change. He had better have good grades to compensate for the bad manners.
His teachers seem to like him, but they are probably just relieved he cares about the work and makes an effort. I should ask Riley how many others take advantage of these make up hours. I told Riley if he gets straight A's I would give him $50 so he could eat off campus. He hasn't been able to go to Burgerville in a while. He was spending more on lunches than Tom or I do. I paid for his cafeteria bill. Lunches for students are less than $2.50. He was spending almost $10 a lunch at Burgerville.
He is so skinny, I may just let him eat at Burgerville to put on some weight, But I want him to think he has earned it. Food tastes funny to him. He barely eats any dinner if he has the slightest dislike to the food. I need to stock up on the foods he does like so I can substitute. Problem is Trevor likes everything. If I buy Riley special food, Trevor will eat it also, and my food bill goes through the roof.
Last month I had $1500 on my card, mostly for groceries and meals from restaurants or Pizza. Only $250 was restaurants. $1000 for groceries. I am trying to be frugal. I really am. I don't know why my bills are so much more than other people's.
Now that I work, I am buying for seven dinner meals each week. I pick out the meats for the week and the sides that go with them. I buy sale items and bulk purchase where I can. The boys need fresh fruit and like it, so I buy for the week apples, oranges, and bananas. I get vegetables, both fresh and canned. For snack and breakfast I get cerial. To avoid arguments, I am now buying two boxes of the same cerial. One for each boy. Both boxes will be empty within two days. There isn't anything in the cart that wont be consumed. The bill comes in around $150 to $200.
I try to go only once a week, but there is always something needed. This week I forgot margerine, oil, and frozen juice. I am trying to postpone as long as possible another trip. Perhaps I can tie in those things to next week if we can hold out that long.
Tom's habits don't help. The gum, which he goes through like they are M&M candies, costs $70 a week for two boxes. I got a great deal when they were on sale, two for one. But the sale ended. He does two boxes of gum a week if not more when he is stressed. This is nicorette gum. He is trying to give up copenhagen by substituting the gum. We like to encourage good habits, but the gum is more expensive than the copenhagen the way he uses it.
With Riley's approaching Doctor's appointment, Tom is going through almost three boxes of gum a week. Golf is cheaper.
We used to have a club bill regularly over $1000 every month, but that included golf and Tom's food. Our grocery bill was cheaper back then, each week, about $100 each visit. I could make the argument that the club saved us money.
It is the red meat that does us in. The meat often costs $10 a meal, just for the meat alone. Add in the other ingredients to make a meal and its $20 a dinner, still cheaper than the restaurant bills by at least half. Pizza is a break even, especially if I get a salad to go with it. So 20x7=$140 for just dinners. Add in the other meals on weekends or breakfasts and there is our grocery bill for the week, easily $200, ack. I may have to talk to Tom about going vegetarian, but that will just make him chew more gum.
Then there is my child that gets good grades without batting an eye. He is easy to live with, keeps a low profile when I am cranky, and knows when I need a hug to defuse me. Today he needed a lift to school early to finish a test or an assignment. He takes advantage of those offers when a teacher says he will be available for make up work. It is great for Riley who has missed days and will probably miss more days because of his health.
I get up and dressed and tell Riley to meet me at the car. I head outside. It is garbage day so while I wait for Riley to come out, I take the garbage to the street. Three cans, three trips, still no Riley, I start the car and back out. Riley comes out the front door with a grin. He has been waiting for the chauffer to warm up the car.
He requests music, not news, on the radio. When I drop him at the school, he requests I drive up close to the door he likes. I don't mind as it is not busy, otherwise I would drop him at the curb and make him walk the block to the school, in order to avoid the traffic. We are early so going right up to the door was not a problem. But when the boy gets out, does he even look back? or say "Thanks for the lift Mom?" Not this child.
We will be having conversations about manners when he gets home tonight. I might make him do some of Trevor's chores for a change. He had better have good grades to compensate for the bad manners.
His teachers seem to like him, but they are probably just relieved he cares about the work and makes an effort. I should ask Riley how many others take advantage of these make up hours. I told Riley if he gets straight A's I would give him $50 so he could eat off campus. He hasn't been able to go to Burgerville in a while. He was spending more on lunches than Tom or I do. I paid for his cafeteria bill. Lunches for students are less than $2.50. He was spending almost $10 a lunch at Burgerville.
He is so skinny, I may just let him eat at Burgerville to put on some weight, But I want him to think he has earned it. Food tastes funny to him. He barely eats any dinner if he has the slightest dislike to the food. I need to stock up on the foods he does like so I can substitute. Problem is Trevor likes everything. If I buy Riley special food, Trevor will eat it also, and my food bill goes through the roof.
Last month I had $1500 on my card, mostly for groceries and meals from restaurants or Pizza. Only $250 was restaurants. $1000 for groceries. I am trying to be frugal. I really am. I don't know why my bills are so much more than other people's.
Now that I work, I am buying for seven dinner meals each week. I pick out the meats for the week and the sides that go with them. I buy sale items and bulk purchase where I can. The boys need fresh fruit and like it, so I buy for the week apples, oranges, and bananas. I get vegetables, both fresh and canned. For snack and breakfast I get cerial. To avoid arguments, I am now buying two boxes of the same cerial. One for each boy. Both boxes will be empty within two days. There isn't anything in the cart that wont be consumed. The bill comes in around $150 to $200.
I try to go only once a week, but there is always something needed. This week I forgot margerine, oil, and frozen juice. I am trying to postpone as long as possible another trip. Perhaps I can tie in those things to next week if we can hold out that long.
Tom's habits don't help. The gum, which he goes through like they are M&M candies, costs $70 a week for two boxes. I got a great deal when they were on sale, two for one. But the sale ended. He does two boxes of gum a week if not more when he is stressed. This is nicorette gum. He is trying to give up copenhagen by substituting the gum. We like to encourage good habits, but the gum is more expensive than the copenhagen the way he uses it.
With Riley's approaching Doctor's appointment, Tom is going through almost three boxes of gum a week. Golf is cheaper.
We used to have a club bill regularly over $1000 every month, but that included golf and Tom's food. Our grocery bill was cheaper back then, each week, about $100 each visit. I could make the argument that the club saved us money.
It is the red meat that does us in. The meat often costs $10 a meal, just for the meat alone. Add in the other ingredients to make a meal and its $20 a dinner, still cheaper than the restaurant bills by at least half. Pizza is a break even, especially if I get a salad to go with it. So 20x7=$140 for just dinners. Add in the other meals on weekends or breakfasts and there is our grocery bill for the week, easily $200, ack. I may have to talk to Tom about going vegetarian, but that will just make him chew more gum.
PB and Js
The starving of Trevor seems to be working, sort of. The first week of the bag lunches, I saw two assignments on time to his math teacher. He also received full credit on the chapter test, no mistakes.
He typed up his humanities and had it done, but I found it left on the dining room table the next day. I gave it to him to take to school at breakfast the next day, but found it folded in his pants pocket the day after that, while doing laundry. I handed it back to him again. He tells me it was delivered this time. We'll see. I had him put it with two other due assignments so perhaps he could hand them all in if he just remembered one.
He tells me he is working to get everything in, but the lunches have become a game. He tells me he is selling some of his food and buying lunch at the snack shack with cash, a budding entrepreneur. He smiles as he asks for his lunch money, and I tell him not until all the F's are gone. Without complaint he makes up two Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. We are out of chips and I am not going to buy any more this week, especially if he is selling those big bags at school. The idea was to motivate him to remember to hand in his homework, not to make a new career of food service.
We are not fighting as we do this little dance, Trevor and I. He doesn't even seem to mind Pb and j every day. I have been volunteering for PTA, pitching the up coming battle of the bands during lunch hours, on Wednesdays. I can see he is not bullying anyone, or begging for food, which I did have a concern about. He sits at a table made up of band members. A nice group of kids and the table is crowded. This is a new table of friends. It is nice to periodically peak in to the school at lunch to see who your child hangs out with at lunch.
He used to sit at a half full table with a few other boys. They are still at their old table. I think that the old friends are sad not to have Trevor sitting with them anymore, as they see him at the over crowded table next door. But Trevor is a big personality and those old friends did not participate in much of the school activities that Trevor enjoys. He stills calls them his friends and periodically leans out of his group to say something that includes his old friends in his new table's conversation.
Trevor loves band, the teacher and the band group. He loves to perform. There is no stage fright. In his last performance, I could see him in the back row, where percussion sits. He was standing up, being such a big boy he is hard to miss in the back. He leaned over and whispered to the girl standing next to him, oblivious of the fact that the whole audience could see him.
He did Battle of the Bands two years ago and is trying to put together a group this year. They would perform an air band act in front of a large audience, in essence a solo performance, again with no fear.
Trevor likes to volunteer. He is a member of builders club. He helps out after school if a teacher asks for assistance, like setting up chairs for events or making posters, even helping move boxes for teachers. He is a good volunteer, with his heart in the right place.
I know he will succeed in life. He has the potential. I am just so frustrated that he doesn't battle for better grades. The PB and Js are helping. I am impressed by his getting up each morning and making his own lunch. He even ran back to the house one morning, from the bus stop when he realized he had forgotten his lunch bag. If only he would show that kind of responsibility with his class work. It's a small step, but I do think it is slowly working.
Grade day is Friday. I told him he had to have all his late work in by Thursday. The grades would be changing and he could get his lunch money back. I have decided though, to dole it out in small doses, a week at a time. That way if he brings them up, he will have to maintain them, pay attention to the homework, or he gets cut off again. We will see what his mid semester grades show.
Meanwhile, his friends all took a vote. I am not the meanest mom, another child's mom gets that vote. I am the cruelest mom, making Trevor bring his lunch and not paying for the cafeteria. He tells me this with a smile. I can tell he is really suffering... not. I think he is liking the notoriety of not being able to buy lunch and having to bring it from home, because his mom is soooo cruel.
Trevor and I are getting along better than we have in a while. I can't do his work for him or hand it in for him. But he knows I love him because rather than yelling at him all the time, I make him eat PB and J's for lunch.
Remember the book Bread and Jam for Francis, all the child wanted to eat was jam, until that was all the mother would feed her, until the child broke down in tears begging for real food. I am hopeful Trevor will tire of making his own lunches every day of PB and J's. I hope I did not misread the signals that first week of assignments in on time. I hope this experiment is working.
Parenting is so difficult. I just keep telling Trevor I love him very much, give him big hugs and tell him "No, I am not going to give you any money for lunches, not until the F's are gone. Go make PB and J."
He typed up his humanities and had it done, but I found it left on the dining room table the next day. I gave it to him to take to school at breakfast the next day, but found it folded in his pants pocket the day after that, while doing laundry. I handed it back to him again. He tells me it was delivered this time. We'll see. I had him put it with two other due assignments so perhaps he could hand them all in if he just remembered one.
He tells me he is working to get everything in, but the lunches have become a game. He tells me he is selling some of his food and buying lunch at the snack shack with cash, a budding entrepreneur. He smiles as he asks for his lunch money, and I tell him not until all the F's are gone. Without complaint he makes up two Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. We are out of chips and I am not going to buy any more this week, especially if he is selling those big bags at school. The idea was to motivate him to remember to hand in his homework, not to make a new career of food service.
We are not fighting as we do this little dance, Trevor and I. He doesn't even seem to mind Pb and j every day. I have been volunteering for PTA, pitching the up coming battle of the bands during lunch hours, on Wednesdays. I can see he is not bullying anyone, or begging for food, which I did have a concern about. He sits at a table made up of band members. A nice group of kids and the table is crowded. This is a new table of friends. It is nice to periodically peak in to the school at lunch to see who your child hangs out with at lunch.
He used to sit at a half full table with a few other boys. They are still at their old table. I think that the old friends are sad not to have Trevor sitting with them anymore, as they see him at the over crowded table next door. But Trevor is a big personality and those old friends did not participate in much of the school activities that Trevor enjoys. He stills calls them his friends and periodically leans out of his group to say something that includes his old friends in his new table's conversation.
Trevor loves band, the teacher and the band group. He loves to perform. There is no stage fright. In his last performance, I could see him in the back row, where percussion sits. He was standing up, being such a big boy he is hard to miss in the back. He leaned over and whispered to the girl standing next to him, oblivious of the fact that the whole audience could see him.
He did Battle of the Bands two years ago and is trying to put together a group this year. They would perform an air band act in front of a large audience, in essence a solo performance, again with no fear.
Trevor likes to volunteer. He is a member of builders club. He helps out after school if a teacher asks for assistance, like setting up chairs for events or making posters, even helping move boxes for teachers. He is a good volunteer, with his heart in the right place.
I know he will succeed in life. He has the potential. I am just so frustrated that he doesn't battle for better grades. The PB and Js are helping. I am impressed by his getting up each morning and making his own lunch. He even ran back to the house one morning, from the bus stop when he realized he had forgotten his lunch bag. If only he would show that kind of responsibility with his class work. It's a small step, but I do think it is slowly working.
Grade day is Friday. I told him he had to have all his late work in by Thursday. The grades would be changing and he could get his lunch money back. I have decided though, to dole it out in small doses, a week at a time. That way if he brings them up, he will have to maintain them, pay attention to the homework, or he gets cut off again. We will see what his mid semester grades show.
Meanwhile, his friends all took a vote. I am not the meanest mom, another child's mom gets that vote. I am the cruelest mom, making Trevor bring his lunch and not paying for the cafeteria. He tells me this with a smile. I can tell he is really suffering... not. I think he is liking the notoriety of not being able to buy lunch and having to bring it from home, because his mom is soooo cruel.
Trevor and I are getting along better than we have in a while. I can't do his work for him or hand it in for him. But he knows I love him because rather than yelling at him all the time, I make him eat PB and J's for lunch.
Remember the book Bread and Jam for Francis, all the child wanted to eat was jam, until that was all the mother would feed her, until the child broke down in tears begging for real food. I am hopeful Trevor will tire of making his own lunches every day of PB and J's. I hope I did not misread the signals that first week of assignments in on time. I hope this experiment is working.
Parenting is so difficult. I just keep telling Trevor I love him very much, give him big hugs and tell him "No, I am not going to give you any money for lunches, not until the F's are gone. Go make PB and J."
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