pride in socialized children

Riley missed the bus after school yesterday. He called from the office and I had to go get him. I told him as long as he misses the bus on days I don't work and am available to pick him up, its fine. If I can't make it, his fall back plan is to ride the public bus. The bus circles town every hour. It takes forever, but eventually he would make it home. He has done it once this year already.

As I pick him up he tells me not to ask why he missed the bus. Well, with that kind of opener, of course I have to ask. He tells me he was talking in the hall to another kid and didn't realize the time. What? Riley socializing? I give him a high five. I ask who he was talking to, was it a girl? No, not so lucky. But he does know the first name of the boy he was talking to. Wow!! Another high five. He knows some one's name. It warms my heart, Riley has a friend and his friend has a name. He didn't know his last name, but small steps, Mom.

Trevor has put together his band and they seem motivated. They met at our house to pick out music. As they come trooping through the front door, Riley comes trooping down the stairs. I can see the hairs on the back of his neck raise. He is like a dog defending his territory. My job is to gently pull on the leash, so he doesn't go into attack mode. I stop him at the stairs, while the boys get snacks and settled. Riley hovers, but he is past the attack phase now. He can give his brother and his friends time and room to do their thing.

I could just see Riley rushing in calling out, "That's mine, that's mine. You can't have it." What ever "It" was. Or make some rude comments that antagonizes Trevor or bullies the boys, who are inferior by age. Comment on Trevor's grades, his size, there is a whole litany of lines he can use to start a fight or shouting match, just because he wants to be included but because of his superior age it is beneath him.

I am able to stave off the attack. Interrupt the comment flow so no one picks up on his rudeness. It only takes a couple of minutes for that territory defensive posturing to pass and for him to settle down and enjoy the company. He loses interest and heads back upstairs to the game room.

The boys eat their snacks and then pick their music. All is well. Not my favorite choice of song, but I am not the musically inclined. One boy's Mom arrives to take her son away. I set the timer as it is a school night and tell the others they can play until the bell, but then I am taking everyone home. They head upstairs to the game room and Riley. I listen with one ear. But now they are in Riley's realm. He gets them set up on X Box and shows the boys how to play games they have never played before. Everyone is happy. Riley even lets the guests have the controller since it is his first time. He verbally directs where to send the player on the screen, but lets the boy do the controller himself. Yes!! manners!!

The bell goes off and I chauffeur everyone home.