PB and Js

The starving of Trevor seems to be working, sort of. The first week of the bag lunches, I saw two assignments on time to his math teacher. He also received full credit on the chapter test, no mistakes.

He typed up his humanities and had it done, but I found it left on the dining room table the next day. I gave it to him to take to school at breakfast the next day, but found it folded in his pants pocket the day after that, while doing laundry. I handed it back to him again. He tells me it was delivered this time. We'll see. I had him put it with two other due assignments so perhaps he could hand them all in if he just remembered one.

He tells me he is working to get everything in, but the lunches have become a game. He tells me he is selling some of his food and buying lunch at the snack shack with cash, a budding entrepreneur. He smiles as he asks for his lunch money, and I tell him not until all the F's are gone. Without complaint he makes up two Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. We are out of chips and I am not going to buy any more this week, especially if he is selling those big bags at school. The idea was to motivate him to remember to hand in his homework, not to make a new career of food service.

We are not fighting as we do this little dance, Trevor and I. He doesn't even seem to mind Pb and j every day. I have been volunteering for PTA, pitching the up coming battle of the bands during lunch hours, on Wednesdays. I can see he is not bullying anyone, or begging for food, which I did have a concern about. He sits at a table made up of band members. A nice group of kids and the table is crowded. This is a new table of friends. It is nice to periodically peak in to the school at lunch to see who your child hangs out with at lunch.

He used to sit at a half full table with a few other boys. They are still at their old table. I think that the old friends are sad not to have Trevor sitting with them anymore, as they see him at the over crowded table next door. But Trevor is a big personality and those old friends did not participate in much of the school activities that Trevor enjoys. He stills calls them his friends and periodically leans out of his group to say something that includes his old friends in his new table's conversation.

Trevor loves band, the teacher and the band group. He loves to perform. There is no stage fright. In his last performance, I could see him in the back row, where percussion sits. He was standing up, being such a big boy he is hard to miss in the back. He leaned over and whispered to the girl standing next to him, oblivious of the fact that the whole audience could see him.

He did Battle of the Bands two years ago and is trying to put together a group this year. They would perform an air band act in front of a large audience, in essence a solo performance, again with no fear.

Trevor likes to volunteer. He is a member of builders club. He helps out after school if a teacher asks for assistance, like setting up chairs for events or making posters, even helping move boxes for teachers. He is a good volunteer, with his heart in the right place.

I know he will succeed in life. He has the potential. I am just so frustrated that he doesn't battle for better grades. The PB and Js are helping. I am impressed by his getting up each morning and making his own lunch. He even ran back to the house one morning, from the bus stop when he realized he had forgotten his lunch bag. If only he would show that kind of responsibility with his class work. It's a small step, but I do think it is slowly working.

Grade day is Friday. I told him he had to have all his late work in by Thursday. The grades would be changing and he could get his lunch money back. I have decided though, to dole it out in small doses, a week at a time. That way if he brings them up, he will have to maintain them, pay attention to the homework, or he gets cut off again. We will see what his mid semester grades show.

Meanwhile, his friends all took a vote. I am not the meanest mom, another child's mom gets that vote. I am the cruelest mom, making Trevor bring his lunch and not paying for the cafeteria. He tells me this with a smile. I can tell he is really suffering... not. I think he is liking the notoriety of not being able to buy lunch and having to bring it from home, because his mom is soooo cruel.

Trevor and I are getting along better than we have in a while. I can't do his work for him or hand it in for him. But he knows I love him because rather than yelling at him all the time, I make him eat PB and J's for lunch.

Remember the book Bread and Jam for Francis, all the child wanted to eat was jam, until that was all the mother would feed her, until the child broke down in tears begging for real food. I am hopeful Trevor will tire of making his own lunches every day of PB and J's. I hope I did not misread the signals that first week of assignments in on time. I hope this experiment is working.

Parenting is so difficult. I just keep telling Trevor I love him very much, give him big hugs and tell him "No, I am not going to give you any money for lunches, not until the F's are gone. Go make PB and J."