Saturday - thoughts

The doctor said come fall He wants Riley indistinguishable from any other in coming freshman. Other than contact sports, Riley should be able to do everything. He said Riley could ride his bike as long as he didn't try going down steep hills or trick biking. Riley never did trick biking. I love to be able to do the trail by our house again. I tell Riley contact sports also include falling down the stairs. That is contact with the ground.

So we are in normal mode for a while. Tom and I discuss the BMT. He points out the most successful results are those that do BMT within the first year of diagnosis. Less reactions, smoother transition, the body is not worn out by long term drug use yet. He has a point. We will see what the numbers hold for us on September 2.


Lunch with my Mother in Law was interesting. My nephew was there. He is 26. It is kind of a package deal. She wants to make sure he has a home until he gets his feet on the ground. He is attending a Community College. We are about the same distance north as they are south of the school, about 30 minutes. He talks all lunch. I can tell he doesn't get out much or get to have an audience of such rapt listeners. My boys think he is really interesting at first. He is a computer gamer. He has a beard, the boys tease him and warn him beards turn grey when you get old. His is a reddish hue and a little scruffy.

I am told he can type over 100 words per minute and is quite intelligent. He is just a little socially awkward. Nothing like living with his grandmother and an aunt your whole life to make a man socially awkward. He always hid in his room when we came to visit, until the boys got old enough to watch him play games on his computer and enjoy it. Now when we visit, he sits on the couch with a boy on each side quietly cheering him on with his game, while the "adults" talk.

I am told he is pleased to be considered in our tentative plans with grandma. He "likes" us compared to other relatives in the family. He talks the whole lunch. He is like a wound up child, and excited to be with us. I don't mind as it gives me time to assess him and how he and the boys interact. he tells us about school. It is his first year. He says he knows someone on line through his gaming, who is in a position to offer him a job, in California, if and when he gets his associates computer degree. Two years and he is half way through his first year, not unmanageable.

Before I went to lunch I had made some calls around town to see what 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartments with no stairs were going for in our area. $630 would get an older but decent unit in a nicer neighborhood, near us. $750 gets you a newer apartment complex with a few extra amenities.

Turns out my nephew has a cat. I have to draw the line on the cat. We have two cats. The times other cats have come into the house have been disasters, peeing everywhere and fights in the middle of the night. My nephew tells us his cat is aggressive. With Riley, that just wont work. What a nightmare. So I let him know the cat will be a problem. I don't spell it out or say it strongly enough, though. I e mail my sister in law after lunch and ask her to let him know "No Cat". Start looking for a new home for the cat if you want to be under our roof for any amount of time. Either that or get a job and an apartment and pay the $300 animal deposit.

It may come to that anyway. I like the idea of Grandma living in the neighborhood in an apartment. She would qualify for housing aide and food stamps. She would be nearby. My 26 year old nephew could still live with her for the next year while he is going to school, and keep his cat.

They want to wait until the eviction for the foreclosure before doing anything, which is fine. Put off the move or having to make these serious choices as long as possible. I am told you can go a year without getting evicted or paying any monthly mortgage payments or rent. Live free for as long as possible.

I am still hopeful my sister in law will be able to settle and refinance, doubtful though it is after all this time. They have been in the battle since last October. The bank took it upon themselves to pay the house taxes even though my mother in law had received a waiver from the state. The bank billed the mortgage the taxes and the battle was on.

My sister in law has already reserved an apartment in the event of the eviction. I think she is looking forward to independent living after years of raising children and taking care of family. That just leaves Grandma and nephew. I think that an apartment looks very appealing for them at the moment. There are options other than our house. The key is Tom wants to make sure his mother is taken care of.

My Mother in Law was wonderful when she came to visit for that week, earlier this year. The counters were wiped clean and the dishes found their way to the dishwasher with out me. She was thoughtful and considerate and good company. Nothing like taking care of Tom Senior. That man was helpless by the time he moved in with us. Because of his diabetes I would often have to spoon feed him breakfast in bed to get his blood sugar up. He couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. He was work. But then I was getting paid to take care of him, so I didn't mind. He was a frail old man in need.

Mother in Law will not be in that condition. She is helpful. Now nephew, I have seen how boys live. He may be 26, but if he comes to stay he will need to follow the rules of the house. There will be chores and work. I will yell at him just like I do with my boys to get them to do their chores. But that is only if they end up at our house. We could be just a short duration stop gap while they find their own place to live.

No stress. I did buy my tickets to take Trevor and myself to Tucson for the memorial that was supposed to be my sister's wedding to her now dead fiance. Riley opted not to go. Tucson will be hot hot hot. Riley said he didn't want to do the memorial. He was there a year ago in March and it was hot then. This will be August.

Trevor has never been to Tucson He wanted to go. Tory booked us rooms at the El Conquistador Hilton. It has a huge pool and slide. She got a great rate $79 a night. 1/3 the price as peak season, or so I am told. I doubt Trevor will get to eat free though. Something to find out. The memorial is Saturday. We will fly home Monday. I am trying to figure out what indoor activity we can do on Sunday as our one free day of tourist.

I may have my niece with us. I don't know if she will be entertaining with Tory or if she can come play with us. I rented a car to make it easier. Through it on our very expensive plane tickets, so the car was really cheap to rent. Friday to Monday for $68 dollars. I kept putting off the plane tickets in hopes the price would go down, but they just kept getting daily more expensive. I thought that August would be cheaper, but those airlines know the game.

I thought about bidding on Priceline, but you can't pick your flight. I had specific times I wanted to fly. So I finally just purchased the tickets. I am grateful Riley opted not to come along now. Trevor and I will have a great time. I told Trevor this was his early birthday present from me. His birthday is two days after we get back. The last few years his birthday has fallen right in the middle of family vacations. Rafting down the Rogue river, camping at Lost Lake, Trevor has had some really great birthdays.

I used to host pool parties for him. Between the location, the cake, presents, and goodie bags for his guests, these parties ran about as much as I just spent on his plane ticket. Football has helped because we can't travel as easily without missing practices, once football season has started with conditioning. Trevor will miss one practice in my estimation, without having a schedule yet.

Trevor will miss several practices and a game, let alone a few days of school, when we do our Make a Wish Trip in the fall. I had a friend though, more than one that said do those family trips now. Don't let early sports deter you. As the children get older it is even harder to schedule family events together. Spend the time now.

A friend of mine from college just got back from Italy with her mom and her sisters. Her mother has recovered from breast cancer and decided that she wanted to do a trip with her children. "You can't take it with you" was her motto. She wanted quality time while she still could do it. My dad did that with my little sister. They went to London for a week just a year before he got sick. He wanted one last trip abroad before he was too old to travel. Who knew it he wouldn't be with us just 3 years later.

My girlfriend helped plan this dream trip with her mom. One sister had just found out her husband had a new job in a new state and they were selling their house and moving. Another sister had children in sports. My girlfriend had to take time off from work. It was difficult to coordinate everyone. It was worth the work. I had drinks with them after they got back. Everyone just glowed telling of their adventures, laughing at the problems. The careful picking of an apartment off the Internet with no stairs to deal with for mom, only to arrive and find the building located at the top of a hill with a hundred stairs to climb to reach the hotel.

They will remember that trip with their mom and sisters their whole lives. Even after their parents have passed away, the memories will bring a smile. They will be grateful they made the effort despite the inconveniences to their families left behind and personal lives. They will be glad they made the effort to be there for the ones that went.

I was torn about Tucson, a wedding was one thing, a memorial was another. Like Riley I don't particularly like attending memorials. Everyone is sad and weepy. Not that anyone does like attending these events. But they do give closure. In this case, I want my sister to know her family loves her and supports her. We had mixed feelings about her fiance. He was good for Tory and the children. But, " in our opinion", his politics and environmental views were whacked, and we wished he had more money so Tory wouldn't have to struggle all the time to make ends meet. But in the end the fact that he stuck by Tory despite her difficult ex husband and her children issues outweighed any reservations we had. I am glad to be going to his memorial to say he will be missed and he was appreciated.

Life throws so many curve balls these days, its more like dodge ball. Some hit harder than others. My goal is at the end of the game I am still smiling through the bruises and glad I played.