Loss

I talked to my sister today. She had returned from her memorial on the East Coast. It was intense. During the Quaker service a lightening storm struck the city. All power was lost, toilets couldn't flush. The service was held by candle light and flash lights.

I have never been to a Quaker service. I remember Quakers played a large role in the underground railway pre Civil War. I decided to look up the Quakers and what they represent. Its a Christian movement from the 17th century. They believe each individual is a direct conduit to God, no priests needed. Jesus was the word of God, not the whole Bible, written by others. Their meetings consist of people gathering and when inspired to just stand and speak, moved by the word of God inside them. Some meeting may be held in complete silence. Others may have many speakers. There are no particular leaders. Decisions are made by consensus. They have been successfully doing this kind of governing for centuries. Though criticism abounds that governing by consensus cant succeed. Here seems to be an exception. The word Quaker is thought to come from the expression Fear God and quake in your boots. The more correct term is Religious society of Friends.

So I visualize this room full of people sitting in silence until someone was moved to speak. Each person is there to bid farewell to a man they knew. The warm glow of candles illuminating their sad faces. When someone rose to speak, it was from the heart. It truly must have been a surreal moment, intense.

When we were in DC, Senator Bird, a Democrat from West Virginia died. All the flags were at half mast all week. They were at half mast at Arlington Cemetery and Antietam. When you give up your privacy for the public life, even your death is publicly acclaimed.

My mom says she wants no party or recognition of her passing. She threatens to haunt us if we do a memorial. She takes the practical approach. A few hours of mourning then get on with your lives. Even the few hours is begrudging. Something in between would be nice. My dad wasn't religious. He called himself a lapsed Episcopalian.He left it completely in our hands what to do. We hosted a cocktail party and a lunch for his friends, so they could have the opportunity to say goodbye. Nothing ostentatious, just a way to gather and acknowledge his existence, that he impacted our lives, and that he would be missed.

That is what my sister is doing. She is acknowledging the impact her fiance had on her and his friends. He did so much to support and love Tory, that his going has left a serious void in her life. It was so sudden there was no time to say goodbye. It will take time to fill that hole in. There will always be a scar from that void. No one gets away un scathed from being with death.

I was bit by a spider or a misquote yesterday while gardening. My leg has a big itchy red welt on it. I took some benedril for the antihistamine to stop the itching. It helped but it also made me tired. I ended up taking a nap. Now my leg wants to start itching again. I think I will find some hydrocordizone instead to stop the itching so I don't fall asleep again.

When we were at the beach I really stressed Riley getting bitten and how his body would react. I slathered on the repellent. He joked it was his lack of blood or the pills making him taste bad, but he did not get one bit. The mosquitoes did swarm around my friends until they also got the repellent on their bodies. I love living in this modern age. To be able to beat the bug with a little squirt bottle is lovely. Too bad I didn't do it before I went out gardening.

My blisters popped on my hands, while gardening. I used a little bag balm to sooth them. I figure if it is good for cow's udders, it will sooth my hands. It is amazing, softening the dry skin and easing the sting. I used to use it on the boys diaper rashes. I thought it cured them faster than the desinex.

This is why I need to go back to work. Too much time on my hands to dwell on everything and nothing.