Boundaries

I am in trouble with Tom. Two things have gone wrong. First I volunteered to go camping one night with the scouts as the boys couldn't go without two adults and only one Dad had been able to go the first night. Finally after hearing the two night camp out was to be canceled due to no one being available Friday night, I said I would go. I sent Tom a text letting him know I would be gone Friday night and all day Saturday with the Scouts. He called right back.

I have over stepped my femal boundaries. Moms do not go camping with the big boys. I explained it was my going or the trip gets canceled. He would have preferred the trip to be canceled. He asked how I would feel if he went on a girl scout overnight. If we had girls and that was the only option, it is the reason the two adult parent  requirement is there. I don't plan on throwing myself at some teen age boy with my son right there.

The boys tell me the last camp was run by a woman, and there are plenty of moms that go, because sometimes there are not enough  involved dads or they have to work, like Tom. I will keep in the background. I will be circumspect. I will not throw myself at some male camper just because I am chaperoning for the first time.

I had a dear friend that I worked with in Cub scouts. She has five boys of varying ages. She and her husband always went on the over night camping trips. I would loan her my mini van for the weekend so she could get everyone there. She had a big van but sometimes that wasn't enough. I even gave her my car for the week long trips. Anything to avoid having to go camping myself with all those children without their own parents with them to disciplin them. She was an angel and a Saint. Soft spoken and calm, She had a way about her that was so soothing. I loved shipping my children off to camp with her. She was always going or her husband was, since they had five boys in scouts. Two of her boys were my boy's ages so I could count on her and  her husband  being chaperons.

Another Dear friend also had a boy in Trevor's troop. She and her husband were regular campers in their normal lives. She was incredibly organized and had all the required camping gear. She would cook the meals ahead of time so all that was needed was to warm it up over the camp fire. I send hot dogs and made the kids cook their own food. I loved bringing this friend to the beach with me on my vacations, as I knew I could put my feet up and relax, she would take command and organize the food and activities. I think she liked going with me because I could show her how to sit still and relax for a while, let the children entertain themselves.  Keep the meals simple.

In boy scouts the boys are supposed to organize everything themselves, be responsible for the food and gear. The parents are peripheral, just in case there is a need for an adult. At least that is my understanding.
Tom would rather I not go. I would rather I not go. Trevor has been so wonderful recently with all his good grades and trying so hard and being a participant in track, even though he didn't get to compete much. I wanted to award that good behavior. Trevor doesn't mind my going. I get the impression he is pleased with the opportunity to show me what big boy scout camp is all about. He likes the idea of my going despite Tom's displeasure.

That was my first oops, volunteering for an overnight camping trip with the teen boys, as a chaperon. I tried to find another girlfriend to go with me to be my chaperon, to appease Tom, but no one was available. I am bringing my big tent in case it rains so I have a room to hang in all day, dry, while I wait for the Dad that can spell me for the second night to arrive. I was sad to hear the delay was a night baseball game Saturday, so he probably wont be arriving until late Saturday, which will only exacerbate Tom's displeasure. I know Trevor appreciates my sacrifice. I let Trevor know his father's concerns. Trevor said not to worry there would be plenty of Chaperoning Moms. This day and age the kids are grateful for the time any parent will give them. I wish Tom saw it that way.

My second big oops of the week was the arrangements we have made for when my sister in New York comes out this summer. Her husband and extra child will be coming out the first week  in August. Tom's birthday is in the first week in August. Traditionally we host a giant party. I still thought we would do that, but on the second weekend in August, not the first weekend. The first weekend the whole extended family with all the cousins are planning to go camping at Lost Lake. Tom informs me he hates Lost Lake. Why of all places did we choose Lost Lake? Why not the Beach?

We wanted to take the cousins sudo camping. J likes to give her big  city boys the taste of the west coast and the childhood we had growing up. We get the cabins in the woods, so it is not full on camping. There is some protection from the elements, some comfort with real beds. You bring your own bedding and sleeping bags. But if the weather is bad it is not a complete disaster. You don't have to worry about bears or things at night while you sleep.

Staying in a house at the beach wouldn't work as there are too many of us. The accommodations wouldn't be as easy to come by for the experience we were after. We have one nephew that needs a lot of supervision and care. A hotel didn't provide quite the same experience. The cabin my sister rented will hold all the cousins. The adults could stay elsewhere. The cousins will be able to stay up all night talking if they want. My sister will be downstairs chaperoning with her big city husband.

I booked Tom and myself into the newly remodeled lodge rooms with their own bathrooms with showers. I knew Tom would prefer that to the port o potty shared with the other cabins the cousins will have to use. I know I prefer the private bathroom. It was an easy decision. I thought Tom would appreciate it, but he is not happy at all with the destination.

Finances played a big role in our decision making process. Ashland was also on our list of destinations along with Newport. But those trips are much more expensive and involve long long car rides. We didn't want to spend that much time in the car driving to a destination and the expense of hotels. Not that these cabins in the woods are cheap mind you. The lodge rooms cost as much a a hotel room. The cabin J has sleeps 10 for the same price, so that is a deal for the kids.

One of my nephews is a challenge. He wakes at 5 am with the sun. He doesn't sleep well in different environments, and he has some serious issues that need constant supervision. He  has food allergies that make it imperative that he be watched constantly so he doesn't get into things he shouldn't. We wanted to make sure all the cousins had a good time without having to worry about one. This multiple cabins arrangement worked for everyone. This one nephew will be able to play during the day with everyone but stay with his own parent at night.

Everyone except Tom is excited. His birthday is a big deal for him. Camping with no TV doesn't apeal to him. I am hopeful that we can do a big party in a restaurant the day of his birthday. It is the day we check out and are headed home. There are plenty of really great places to eat in the nearest town. We wont neglect Tom's Birthday. I think he will be happy in the lodge room. It is just the initial idea of our destination that disappointed him. He is not an outdoors man.

Last time we went to Lost Lake with Tom he couldn't sleep for all the forest noises. It was like that scene in my cousin Vinni, when the New York Lawyer gets tossed in jail on purpose, so he can sleep to the familiar sounds of people yelling. Tom slept with his I pod plugged into his ears that weekend in the woods. He kept his I pod on most of the weekend to calm his nerves. The sound of nature is not his thing.

The lake doesn't allow motorized boats, only canoes and row boats. Tom was disappointed when the row boat we rented had a broken oar hole and made it difficult to paddle. This time we will check out the equipment better or find a boat to borrow and bring. My car does have a full sized hitch. I will look into that option. 

We can still have our big party the next weekend. Tom just has to let the idea settle in a little. He does like these in-laws. He likes to party with the family. What he doesn't like is not having a TV for forty eight hours and potentially missing his birthday. I'll keep him busy.