Fs

I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but Trevor ran out of lunch money this week. he remembered to ask me for a check three times during the evening. I thought about it, how he can remember that he needs to bring lunch money, but he can't remember to hand in his homework on time.

We are a month and a half into the trimester. He now has three F's in his core classes Humanities, Science, and math. The law prohibits us from beating him. Angry lectures don't seem to be helping. The punishments I have used didn't work. tom can't live without TV or with the whining. The financial encouragements were no use. I offered Trevor $500 if he could make honor roll this trimester, just Bs would have been fine. Tom offered him money just for a week of no late assignments.

So, this morning I opted not to pay Trevor's lunch bill as that is something he does remember and care about. I told him he could make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches from home. To start I handed him a granola bar, one of my healthy ones, as he headed out the door. Perhaps gnawing hunger pains will jog his homework memories, like a string around his finger.

I promised Tom I would not fight. Tom was dreading coming home from work to the fights. So this is a little passive aggressive approach. The teachers aren't able to help Trevor remember, I can't walk him to each class all day, every day. I can't do it for him. Food might be the in to his mind. He'll need to learn sooner or later, no work, no food on the table.

I just hope he doesn't turn into some sort of bully at lunch, taking food from others.

The other day I got a call from Tom. The school had been unable to contact me. Trevor had sat in gum and coated his pants with a sticky blue mess. He needed to come home and change. They had called Tom when they couldn't get me. Tom gave permission for them to contact my neighbor, my sweet wonderful thoughtful neighbor. The one that has the small children that play with my boys. She was home and available to come to school, pick Trevor up and deliver him home for clean pants, then take him back to school. All this happened while I was at work with a customer and not picking up my phone, oblivious to the crisis.

I am told he was appropriately grateful and thanked her for her time and effort. The next day I sent Trevor to deliver her flowers as my thank you. I also called to let her know how much I appreciated the help. The pants had to be thrown away, the gum was so extensive, it was just not worth the effort. I didn't mind too much. There is a reason why I like to pay less than $5 for a pair of pants at the thrift store. It is a lot less painful when the pants tear out at the knee, or someone spills paint or tar on them, or sits in gum, and they have to be thrown out.

Sometimes if the knee tears, I cut off both legs and hem them on my sewing machine, creating a new pair of shorts for golfing. The pants get a second life. In this case there was nothing I could do. It also reminded me that no one is indispensable. Trevor was able to handle the crisis without any help from me. He came up with the solution all on his own, when I was unavailable. I know he can function in the world, I know he can do what is required. Perhaps if I tighten the purse strings and do not help him at all, he will learn what it takes to succeed on his own. Perhaps I have been over helpful.

He can make his own lunch and take it to school. He must learn to get his homework in on time, and do the work in the time provided. He reads every night in bed for hours, yet he doesn't hand in the time sheet to the teacher showing how much he has been reading. He carries the finished math to school and doesn't put it in the basket, or he brings the work home and doesn't bother doing it until after it is late. Late work is not accepted by this math teacher. He is failing his classes, not because he doesn't know or understand, but because of his disorganization, his inability to complete the assignment, sign his name, and hand in the $*%^%&^% work on time.

I am off to my work. What I learned is Trevor thinks for himself and functions better if I don't lift a finger to help. No lunch money, he can make his own lunch until his grades improve and maybe even after that, if that is what works for him.